Kids These Days
by chaann
Summary: AU - Mr. Akasuna, the most grumpy and mean old man of a teacher. Heartless even. Kids these days. What do they know? Sasodei/Sasori-Mini-Bang-2019
1. He is heartless

_Kids these days._

They relentlessly murmur and grumble, hissing over how bad that old man Mr. Akasuna is, the toughest, frumpiest, and most grumpy teacher at their school. Wrinkles, unkept grey hair and his reading glasses; making all the female students gag. He was short, thin and old. At first they just assumed knew he was in his late fifties, maybe his sixties, as he often bragged about being over half a century old. Thus for he knew leaps and bounds more than they did as well as deserved far more respect than they already gave them.

In reality he was just bragging about being a mean old man.

To top of off, with a gross, mucus sounding cough and hoarse yelling, the kids this year were so over him. Even when they found out his sixty- second birthday was coming up, they planned nothing nice for him, even went as far as to all agree to be extra irritating as if to push him over the edge and into retirement.

The man was a heartless fiend. Without a second glance or without a care in the world, all your break plans at lunch you had with your friends or your after school activities were over as he would send you to his detention tomb without a moment to spare. This man- no- _creature_, had no favorite students and each teen knew it. They also knew that would never change no matter how much ass kissing they tried. This old man hated everyone and cared for no one.

It was a shock why he was a teacher in the first place.

If you were one of the lucky ones, you just got lunch time detention. Sitting there in silence as you ate, not daring to make a noise. Slowly eating so as not to drop a crumb lest you wipe every desk clean or sweep the entire room, being careful not to drop your utensil causing a loud noise, and heaven forbid you chew with your mouth open. Any noise of any sort earned you a glare and often an added after school detention. No one wanted to stay after school hours if they didn't need to; especially with Mr. Akasuna.

The other teachers loved it as it not only struck fear into their own students hearts that they might go to Mr. Akasuna's detention hall, but to them it seemed that the old man actually enjoyed his time with the trouble makers as he offered to be the permanent jail keeper. As if he had a sadistic core that desires to strike fear in the hearts of teens. It was also nice as it left all the other staff as 'the good guys' and not 'the bad guy' like the old man.

Sitting during the lunch hour detention hour was hell alright; as the kids would watch as Mr. Akasuna would, without a word, take his seat and get out his tin lunch box. Of course as always, he would carefully pull out his neatly prepared lunches. Today it was a sandwich, cut again into two small triangles, without the crust, and a small thermos of soup. Silently he would eat, carefully and slowly, then put everything away and get back to work like he had nothing else he would like to do on his break.

On a particular day, before he ate, a few regular trouble making boys watched him particularly well as they actually noticed something. They watched as he put on his reading glasses and stared intensely at a small piece of paper that was in his tin. Of course the boys had a near heart attack as they heard their heartless teacher scoff at the paper, his new found gravely voice loudly ringing with bitter tones, leading into a gross coughing fit. Into his desk as he cleared his throat, he pulled out a notebook and placed the paper inside.

The boys could only wonder; what was that paper? What was written on it? Where did it come from?

The next day the three boys arrived at detention hall, Mr. Akasuna's class, early with a plan. They knew they didn't have long as the old man was just down the hall in the staff room to making a few photocopies. Having one stand near the door, the other two easily broke into their dreaded teachers desk, finding the notebook they saw the man use earlier placed in a odd spot in the drawer. Almost as if it was being hidden.

"Well, here goes nothing!" One boy whispered loudly as he took a deep breath, opening the black leather book.

Inside, the two boys raised their brows at the massive accumulation of little notes, all in the same poorly scribbled handwriting. On each one in not only red ink, but also in someone else's neat writing, was a commemorative date. Each and every one of them.

"Well?" Called the boy keeping watch near the door, "What's in it?"

One of the boys reading the book gagged while the other shook his head in disbelief. Each page was carefully decorated with the most lovey dovey notes, dripping with affection. Some were even just ridiculous doodles of weird creatures!

"Love notes!" The boy who shook his head gasped, not only responding to his friend, but also bursting out the shock from his very core.

The boy who gagged slapped his forehead, "I didn't know Mr. Akasuna was even married!"

The boy at the door abandoned his station and ran over, needing to see this heart filled act for himself, "Gross... the poor lady. What could she have possibly done in her past life to deserve a husband like Akasuna?"

"Maybe she was a mass murderer and this is how she's paying for her crimes...?"

"Yeah! Only another psycho would love someone like Akasuna... yuck!"

Thankfully for them, thick coughing could be heard down the hall, alerting them to their teachers return as their watchdog had left his post. Quickly, they put the book back carefully and returned to their seats, ready for Mr. Akasuna and eventually the other detentioners to show up.

Mr. Akasuna of course walked in scowling, clearing his throat as he sat down. For once he actually acknowledged his detentioners as they showed up oddly early. Instead of questioning them he only glared at them a moment before setting his photocopies to the side and getting out his tin lunch box while the rest of the students rushed in for their punishment. As usual, he took the note off his lunch, scoffed at it and placed it carefully in his book and dating it in red ink.

"Gotta hand it to him though..." one of the boys whispered, "he saves every single one. Who knew the guy was so romant-"

"Silence! One more peep out of you and I will see you after school as well!" Mr. Akasuna roared.

"Yes sir!"

Back in class, while everyone was working away, they cringed as their teacher blew his nose, the awful sound of his snot bubbling, ringing throughout the class room. Mucus coughs and more throat clearing- it's been clear for awhile now that their teacher was very sick with a cold, but was unfortunately just too stubborn to take a sick day. He apparently never does! For just once, his students dreamed of the day they would walk in to see a substitute. A day with smiles, easy work and no detention.

There was a knock on the door sending chills into the students souls. Were their prayers being answered? Was the second half of the day going to be without the nasty old man? Had he finally called in sick and this was the angelic replacement arriving to save their poor souls? Had their angel truly arrived?

"_Yes_?"

Two girls stick their heads in, lowly pointing them down in revered fear of the old teacher, "Uhm, Mr. Akasuna, sir..."

"Spit it out already!"

"We met this _strange_ man in the hallway... he said he needed to see you urgently."

The students noticed as the color drained from their teacher's face.

"Send him away!" Mr. Akasuna growled, standing a bit and slamming his thin hands on his desk as if to show he meant business. However the act seemed to be too much for the sick old man as he ended right back up in his seat from a mixture of exhaustion and dizziness.

Unlucky for their teacher, his request was quickly denied and the students flinched as the rest of the door slammed open. Their hearts immediately began to soar as there stood the coolest looking guy in the world. Long blond hair that still looked a tad wet , strikingly handsome features and... half a face of facial hair?  
Seriously, not like it was a style or anything. This man at the door looked like he got three, maybe four swipes in with his razor on his cheek and just gave up. It was kinda a hot mess.

Walking in in his tight dark jeans and leather jacket, whoever's dad was this... he was everyone's dream dad! Not only that, by the looks of it, he was going to yell at crusty old Akasuna! Oh how the kids were on the edge of their seats, dying to hear this cool dude tell that old bastard off - who could only scowl in his seat as he held his head with his hand for if he didn't he would flop over from being too dizzy.

"_Go_."

"No."

"Why are you even here?" Akasuna growled, "You- your face is half shaved! You're a mess."

The cool man scoffed and crossed his arms as he jutted out his hip in the most charismatic manner, "Well no duh! Didn't you hear those little sweeties?" He gestured back to the girls who were still shyly standing at the door, twirling their hair as the handsome gentleman called them endearing names, "It's an _emergency_!"

"Fine. What?"

Digging into his shoulder bag, the cool dude handed Mr. Akasuna his little metal lunch box, "You forgot this at home, hmph!"

Mr. Akasuna looked up at the stranger in the classroom with wary eyes, "Oh... that doesn't explain your appearance. Why did you only shave half your face? Please tell me it's not to search for your new tingly stimulations, so your senses don't dull up... or something like that."

"That's not even what I say! And _excuuuse me_ Sasori. I was getting ready for the day and while I was shaving the phone rang," his hands shot up while explaining, "while answering it I noticed the lunch kit on the counter, so I wiped my face off, picked you up some more cough drops and rushed here!" Digging into his pocket the man handed him the said cough drops.

Mr. Akasuna pursed his lips, "Thank you... wait a darn moment here you brat!"

"What now?"

"Did you just barge into the school!?"

"Yeah? So?"

"This is a closed campus, Deidara!" Mr. Akasuna slammed his hand against the desk, " I've told you this before, you as well and I could get in trouble for this!"

"It was an _emergency_!"

"Not really, I could have just gotten something from the cafeteria."

Deidara gasped hand to chest as if his heart inside were breaking into a thousand pieces, "What? And let my Danna eat that trash?" his hands then went up in the air dramatically once more, "What kind of husband would I be then? You're sick too! Take the cough drops and eat your damn soup I made!"

Sasori furrow his brows, rubbing them as he scowled loudly. This had to happen now? While he was teaching? In front of his students!? If Deidara had just waited twenty more minutes, his class would have been dismissed for lunch instead of having this ridiculous public spectacle.

Lowering his glasses down his nose and voice to a growl, "Honey... Go home."

Both hands on his hips and a great hair flip, the blond man scoffed loudly, "And this is how I'm treated?" He turned to the class, "is he like this to you kids too?"

Sitting there in shock at the spectacle. They didn't dare say a word against their heartless teacher, as the man with the big heart and personality, caused a wild scene. What were they supposed to say anyway? Go against their teacher just this once and then get a years worth or detention? No way! Instead only one brave boy could ask what the rest of the classroom was thinking,

"Who are you?"

"I'm Deidara, his husband, un."

They watched as their teacher hit his face against his desk, fist clenched. Still, two things now went through each student's head. First, they had no clue the old man was gay. Weren't gays fun and exciting? Not bitter and crusty. Second was-

"No way... _how_!?"

Their teachers husband, Deidara, had to be in his mid to late forties. Young, cool and handsome. Now this man just by his explosive gestures alone, they could easily believe was a gay man. The man was full of life, cheerful, seemed a little devious, and overflowing with love for everything.

Guess their teacher was either good at hiding himself or their perception of the gay community they knew was presented as grossly stereotypical. One more look at the blond though... perhaps their teacher was just the odd one here.

Deidara shrugged as he leaned against his husband's desk, "Same as how most young people meet nowadays; mutual friends at a club."

"What? Old man Akasuna? At a club!?"

"Well... this was when he was a 'younger man Akasuna.'" Deidara hummed, "Still kinda old cause he was thirty-five, but _hella_ charming!"

Charming? Akasuna? No way! This blond though- he was charming!

"Seriously..." a boy put up his hand catching Deidara's attention, "how did a heartless grump like Mr. Akasuna get _you_?"

Sasori glared up from his head pounding and at his student who so callously called him a heartless grump. Not that the boy was wrong, it was just rude to point such a thing out. Perhaps we wasn't being tough enough in teaching proper manners. Kids these days!

"Oh... I was nineteen and naive." Deidara simply laughed as he twirled his long hair, "but he bought me a sweet drink and served me a smooth pick up line."

Now this was incredibly interesting. This pick up line had to be the most suave and cool one on the planet if it managed to get Akasuna a date. Not to mention there was that age gap when the flirting occurred. If the boys had this information? Imagine all the ladies they could get!

"What was the pick up line!" One boy cried.

"Tell us, please!" Another boy bellowed.

"We beg you!" A third pleaded.

Sasori increased his head to desk pounding.

Deidara sucked his teeth and broke into a smile, "Well he gave me a cherry bomb cocktail and asked me..."

The boys, no, every student leaned foreword...

"If I was a piece of art because he wanted to nail me to a wall, hm!"

The only sound in the room after those words left his lips was the massive thud of their teacher giving it his all in one mighty face smash to his desk. Each student was smart enough not to make a peep, not to say a word, and to hold their laughter in lest they ruin the rest of their sweet youth.

"Oh Danna! Are you okay? Did you just faint!?"

"Deidara... please..."

Deidara knelt at Sasori's side, his hands firmly clasped into his own, "Oh anything darling!"

"I promise you I'll take a damn sick day tomorrow if you just..."

"Yes?"

"Go HOME."

Kissing Sasori on the cheek, Deidara laughed, "Deal! Finally you can have some time to rest...Oh!"

Sasori flinched at Deidara screeching in his face, the student being no exception as they tried to still their rapidly beating hearts. While they watchedon, Deidara reached onto his husbands desk and pulled out a tissue from the conveniently placed box. Moving his husbands glasses up and pushing back his moppy hair, he used the tissue and rubbed the inner corners of his eyes, clearing them of any residual eye gunk.

"There ya go, Love, hn." Deidara chimed happily, kissing Sasori's forehead before pulling the glasses back down.

Surprisingly enough, Sasori made no effort to swat his husband away nor scold him. Some even swore they saw their teachers lips move silently making the blond stranger smile wider than ever. However, once Deidara walked out of the room smiling from ear to ear, Sasori quickly changed back, grabbing the phone and ringing up the school secretary informing her that Deidara,  
"Yes... once again he's snuck in here. Yes, my apologies."

There was a moment of silence after he hung up. Sighing heavily he drummed his slender fingers on his tin lunch kit, where on top were the cough drops. Opening them in silence he popped one in his mouth and stared into space, not acknowledging his room full of his students with their wide eyes.  
"That..." Sasori finally said with his gravelly voice, even after clearing it, "was my husband, Deidara. No further discussions on the matter. I guess there will be a substitute tomorrow."

Knees wiggles in excitement and there were a few fist pumping under their desks. Their teachers husband was an angel. The angel they had been dreaming of.

"However! That does not mean there will be any slacking! As soon as I get back there will be a test!"

"_Awwww_!"

"Tch!" Sasori growled at his whiny students, "Kids these days."

-x-

At the end of the day the three boys who broke into their teachers desk sighed as they looked into the grey sky, autumn leaves crunching under their feet. Each pondering the sight they saw earlier that day involving their teacher and his newly discovered gem of a husband.

"You know, Akasuna has such a nice husband. Makes you wonder why he's such a jerk." One said. "He was a such a goofy guy. Who knew The Grouch was into that sorta thing?"

"Maybe there are things we just don't know about the guy? That blond seemed to be pretty gaga for Mr. Akasuna." Another spoke up.

"Right right... and those notes in his lunch that he keeps!"

"Yeah, even though the blond was silly and all touchy... Akasuna never once got mad! He kinda just, patiently accepted it."

"Weird... makes you realize old man Akasuna has a heart after all."

Finally the last boy chuckled, earning his friends attention, "Yeah, he's got one alright. It's just not for us."

* * *

Prompt: heart/less

so he's not heartless after all! happy 2019 sasori mini bang. i may write an epilogue for this.. to better explain some..stuff?  
sorry if having the unnamed students made it confusing.  
bye losers!


	2. Really? Is he really?

"Am I really a heartless jerk?"

Startled, Deidada looked up at his husband and away from reheating a pot of soup. To be honest he was getting a little tired of eating the soup, but he slaved over a hot stove preparing this for his sick baby! Like hell he was going to waste it- and have to cook another meal. Let alone that Sasori could hardly even taste at the moment. So what did it matter that he serve his husband another bowl of bland mush for the second time in a day?

Hopefully this would be the last night. God he hoped they finished it off.

Glancing his husband up and down, Deidara stroked his newly styled handle bar mustache in thought-

"AH!" Sasori shrieked.

"Baby I love it when you scream, hm."

"What the hell is on your face?"

Deidara stopped stroking his new facial art, "Hm, now I'm gonna need another moment to ponder my response to that first question ya had there."

Approaching Deidara quickly, Sasori grabbed an envelope of bills and immediately began swatting his giggly blond on the head with it,

"Shave it off, shave it off, SHAVE IT OFF!"

Deidara snorted away, maneuvering around Sasori's thin waist and pinching his butt, causing the older man to flinch. Of course Deidara took immediate advantage of that jerking movement and thrust his hips forward-

"Eek!"

"I love ya baby." Deidara swooped in quickly, kissing Sasori on the side of his nose and leaving quite the face smudge against his glasses. "Welcome home, hn."

Sasori took a deep, crackled, breath and sighed as he accepted the gesture of affection. Removing his glasses, he cleaned them with the edge of his sweater vest and a few hot breaths. When he was done he looked up at his dork of a husband, trying to see past the new 'stache.

"I love you too."

"I know," Deidara smiled widely, turning to stir his soup and switch off the burner, "you told me when I visited you at work today, hm."

"Right."

"And In front of all of those students." Deidara continued to taunt.

Sasori scoffed, "They couldn't have heard me."

"But ya did!" Deidara laughed again, kissing Sasori on the lips this time, "Mm... Cherry cough drops."

"Sheesh, is dinner ready yet?" Sasori scowled, pressing both hands against Deidara's chest as he turned away.

"Yes, yes. Sit down and I'll serve us up some soup."

"Tsk."

"What was that, hmm?"

"Nothing! I can't wait to eat that soup you made for me yet again. I could eat it forever it's so good!"

Deidara stared at Sasori with narrow eyes. Thanks to the cold he could very well hear the lying tone in Sasori's voice. The once very convincing little liar now spoke as if his pants were on fire. Still, in both hands was the heavy pot of soup he knew very well they were both sick of, and on his face was the handle bar mustache he knew they both thought looked incredible dumb. Yet he still ate the soup, and when he gave Sasori his welcome home kiss earlier, he didn't recoil when he knew very well he was going to have to... bump faces with the mustache.

"You're not heartless, Danna." Deidara said now placing a basket of warmed buns on the table, "I'm a lot to love. You'd need a big heart to put up with," he gestured to himself, "alla this, hn."

Sasori looked up from his seat at the dining table in the kitchen, breathing heavily as he caught his breath from a small coughing fit. He smiled at Deidara as he was personally served his dinner, "Well, you are the best thing to love."

Giggling shyly, Deidara pushed back Sasori's hair and kissed his wrinkled forehead, "I love you, Danna."

"I love you too, brat." Sasori said, the warmth of that one kiss on his forehead sending tingles down his spine and to his toes. When he looked up though he sighed heavily, "But please for the love of god, please I beg of you, shave your face."

Before Deidara could say another word-

"ALL of it."

"Tsk!" Deidara crossed his arms, "You're not heartless, but you're one helluva jerk, hmph!"

* * *

Sasori is not a heartless jerk. just a jerk. but look how lovey dovey the are. good stuff. BYE LOSERS


	3. Revenge!

The teen was salty as heck. He never asked to move to a new house, he never asked to move to a new town, and he certainly never asked to move to a new schools Especially after the year had already started! He'd be in a new town, new school and new friends... if he ever made any that is. This possibly couldn't get any worse for the boy in the prime of his teen life.

"Oh! So you'll be attending the school that Mr. Akasuna teaches at."

"Who?"

"Over there, that's Mr. Akasuna's house." The neighbor pointed, gesturing to across the street.

The boy rolled his eyes as he now got the information from overhearing his mother and his new gossiping neighbors that person across the street may or may not be his new teacher. This was just great. What a way to start the his new life. Of course there was yet another reason to hate it all. Why did his dad have to move back here? Didn't he tell him just a few years ago he would never move back to his hometown due to unspoken trauma in his teen years; and here they are because his father's new job. It was like he was okay with subjecting his son to whatever he went through!

This was the worst.

At his new school, the boy's first day was so far quite easy as the teachers were quite lenient on him. They gave him very little to catch up on and were nothing but supportive. That was awfully kind of them. When lunch rolled along and he needed somewhere to sit? The kids were also very friendly! In fact this place was oddly in line. No one was rowdy, no one broke any rules, and in classes they were absolutely polite. Maybe this place wasn't so bad after all... until he saw a few kids crying in the hall as they exited their classroom. Perhaps they watched a sad movie about war? What else could make a pack of teen boys weep?

"Lemme see your schedule!" A chipper boy spoke, taking it from the new student while they got to know each other during their break, "Uh-huh... Yeah... uh-huh... uh...uh oh."

"What?" The new boy asked, confused as how the colour could drain so fast from such a smiley boy. "What's wrong?"

"You have Akasuna after lunch..."

The table went silent with hands over their hearts as if they were mourning the poor new boy.

He went to say that Mr. Akasuna was apparently his neighbor, but stopped. He just met these kids and they were so kind to him. What if their opinions changed once they found out that if they come over they might run into the teacher that apparently scared them so terribly bad. That could ruin his social life!

"Is... he mean?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Frightfully so!"

"The worst!"

"He's downright heartless!"

"Do NOT get detention. For your sanity, do NOT do it."

The New Boy narrowed his eyes, processing the notion of detention, "Huh?"

A boy at the table leaned foreword, "Be on your best behavior. Detention is hell."

The new boy rolled his eyes. There was no way some old geezer could be that bad. He was tough! Where he used to live; you had to be! These kids we just weak, pampered little babies.

Oh boy was he wrong...

"Detention after school!"

The New Boy stared wide eyed. He only asked the girl beside him a little question! She already looked terrified, her head locked down as she drowned him out as if she had nothing to do with the boy who dare spoke out in class.

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Detention after school tomorrow, too! And you can kiss your lunch hour tomorrow goodbye too!"

"Wh-"

"Shh!"

The New Boy looked over at the girl whom he tried to talk to. Her head still down and body trembling, "Shhhh..."

The new boy gave up and sat in his seat with his arms crossed. So this crusty old man was his neighbor? Gross! He'd pay for putting him in detention. He'd pay big time.

"Uncross those arms, sit up and drop the attitude!"

"Oh my god." The New Boy gasped as he clung to his bed as if he were going to die. He just finished his two days of detention sessions with Mr. Akasuna and never wanted to go back. That place was hell! Those boys really weren't kidding.

Looking out the window and across the street he seethed at the old man's house. Weird clay trinkets littered the garden; maybe he could smash those. The plants were well maintained; maybe he could rip them up. Write with grass killer on his pretty little lawn. Maybe leave burning crap on his steps.

The New Boy narrowed his eyes as something caught his attention while eyeing up the front steps where he could place the burning feces,

"A package!"

Sneaking casually across the street, the boy swiped the box. However not before looking around for a hidden camera. Not seeing one he took the package and made his way back home and into his room, his blood pumped with adrenaline as he had just stolen from the meanest teacher in his new school's history! He was such a badass.  
"Take that ya Jerk!"

Taking a couple proof selfies to flaunt to his new friends, his finger pointing to the neatly placed paper that labeled it was indeed for 'Mr. Akasuna', he felt as if he was on top of the world. Fingers wiggling with excitement, he could only wonder what was in the box. Old man ointments? Ugly sweater vests? Books on how to torture students? Something ritzy and expensive he could keep all to himself? Whatever it was, that old coot wouldn't have it and that was good enough for him!

Slicing it open, he peered inside, his grin growing wider and wider until something snapped. He closed the box and looked at the ceiling. Back down, he opened and looked into the box again; this time narrowing is eyes.

There in the box was sex toys. So many sex toys. Dildos, vibrators, anal plugs, beads. He swallowed as the list continued with nipple clamps, cuffs and even...  
"Lingerie?" He spoke in a whisper as there was black silky material. He scoffed, "Maybe he has a wife and-" Picking up the lingerie, he saw the space made to accommodate male genitalia. He gagged as he thought of the old man with the cuffs and clamps, "Oh..." he gagged again this time louder, "I think I'm gonna be sick..."

The next day at school the boy couldn't even look his teacher. He was just a grouchy, crusty, and mean as ever; but there was something new. He felt as if he knew too much about the guy. Way too much. No amount of therapy could save him, nothing could wipe out the mental image. Why wasn't that bleach meme a real thing? Oh if only he could actually get bleach into his eyes and brain to clean it.

"Hmmm..."

Some kids looked up to see the old man glaring into his cellphone, adjusting the distance so he could see the text properly. Of course no one called out the man for using it, and to the new boy he just assumed the man was ready with a witty response to shut anyone down. Other kids however knew the real reason that the man would not only be willing take it out at this time, but also own one in the first place.

"Is everything okay, Mr. Akasuna?" One boy asked, hand raised politely.

"Hm... you see there was a package apparently delivered to my home yesterday... and it wasn't there."

Oh how the New Boy wanted to puke as he recalled that box.

"Oh you buy things online?" Smiled the boy genuinely, proud the old monster of a teacher was learning new things, "Good for you, Mr. Akasuna."

"Oh no it wasn't me. It was Deidara." Sasori waved off rather gruffly yet without malice, not caring since they met the younger blond already, "He says in his text he doesn't know what to do now. I certainly don't know either so I don't know why he's pestering me."

"May I help?"

"Go at it." Sasori groaned, handing the boy the phone. He really couldn't care less if the package came or not. Lately the blond had been buying useless or weird things online. Things they for sure could live without.

As the boy helped his teacher out, the New Boy leaned over to the girl beside him once more, "Who is Deidara?"

The girl's eyes lit up and he face broke into a smile. She looked positively smitten, "Oh that's Mr. Akasuna's incredibly handsome Husband! He's so cool and dreamy!" She gushed.

"...Husband?"

"Yeah, Deidara Akasuna. He's totally weird and totally fun. Not only that, he's drop dead gorgeous! Sometimes he drops in and gets Mr. Akasuna all angry but it's actually so cute how he just accepts it." Looking towards the teacher, now she asked, "What did Deidara order?"

Mr. Akasuna just shrugged, "who knows. He just started doing it so it's been a little of everything. Last thing that he got was a...Nerve gun of some sort? Apparently he had one as a child and decided it would be fun to shoot me... at any time."

While the class snickered quietly at the thought of their mean teacher being pummeled by foam bullets, the boy on the phone had eyes the size of saucers as he left a claim that the package was missing, probably stolen. On the website he could clearly see a list of what Deidara exactly bought.

"Ahem..." he pointed it out to his teacher who just narrowed his eyes and got a good look. What he saw wasn't another childish toy, that's for sure. Not childish at all.

"Children if you may, please pardon my language for just a moment."

"Yes sir!" They chimed, already having a good hunch what was to come next...

"Fu-" A slurry of swears as the old man took the palm of his hand and beat his forehead with it. "Deidara!"

The students just tuned him out, all but one that is. Of course he wasn't used to this display, but one thing was for sure was apparently what this Deidara guy did wasn't new. And secretly he knew what he did.

That evening he planned how to get the box back to his teacher. What else was he going to do with the items? What if his parents saw them? There was also the idea of just tossing the box... until was a knock on the new kids door, his mother was busy preparing dinner so he got it as she hollered. There as he opened it, he was instantly smitten. There was the most incredible, most handsome man he had ever see in his life. He looked so... so cool! Was this a new neighbor introducing himself or-

"Yo, where's my package, hm."

The New Boy's face dropped, "Whaaat..."

"My package of toys. Hand it over, Kid." The blond narrowed his eyes into slits, "Now."

It didn't take a genius to figure out who this 'handsome' and 'cool' man was. Especially looking one looking for his box of toys.

Rushing upstairs, skipping steps, he and back quick as possible and shoved the box into the blonds hands once he got back, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Akasuna!" He yelled as a cold sweat broke out on him. Not only had he done something illegal and that directly affected his school life with an evil teacher, it also resulted in one hell of a embarrassing package. He was sorry for so much.

Looking into the box, Deidara shook it to shuffle the objects around, checking to see if they were all there. Reaching in he grabbed a small vibrating toy and placed it into the poor kids hand,

"You should really try this home delivery stuff if you're curious." Deidara spoke cooly and calmly this time, "Then you won't need to steal mine."

"Uh..." The New Boy didn't quite register all that as one thing weighed heavy on his mind, "Your not gonna tell my teacher, right?" he asked, embarrassed to even say it. One would think to not tell their parents, but their teacher?

He knew who he feared.

"Ahh... wait. Wait, he's your teacher, hm? You thought you were stealing your teachers mail?"

"Yes."

Thrusting put his finger towards the teen boys chest, Deidara blew a fuse as he puffed out his cheeks, "Well back off skank; he's mine!" And stormed away. Down the path from the front of the house, Deidara hissed once more, "I don't know what you're up to, but one of the first things I bought was a secret camera for my house!" He yelled some more, "don't you try and steal my stuff! ANY of it! He's my handsome hubby! MINE!"

Once the shrieking Deidara was back in his house with his package, the New boy stared into a void, feeling not the shock that he was indeed found out by a camera, but by,

"Skank?" He muttered, "Does he think... I'm trying to steal his man?"

Looking down into his hand, he saw the little pink toy that he could only assume went up where the sun did not shine. Plus on top of being mistaken that he was interested in that gross old Akasuna?  
"Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick..."

* * *

ooops i wrote another! and i may write another in the future mwahahaha! BYE LOSERS


	4. Dessert

Deidara bit into a bittersweet chocolate as he stared at his husband; of whom was busy preparing for his classes this coming Monday. With his glasses perched at the end of his nose, Sasori chewed the end of his pen lightly, huffing angrily as he heavily criticized his students essays. Each criticism it's own miniature essay on how terrible the original essay was. With his sweater vest now tossed on the floor, leaving him in nothing but a wrinkled white dress shirt with the top four buttons were undone exposing the light hair on his chest...

Deidara bit into another chocolate and then quickly another as he watched Sasori's pink tongue cross over the pen he chewed. Oh how the hunger overcame him. Damn was his husband sexy.

Of course... his students would never get to see this side of him. No. That wouldn't be okay. Sure Sasori looked adorable all dolled up in his grandpa sweaters, however that started off as a joke. A joke on his age, a joke on how it was girl repellent. Once Sasori put it on? Oh hell was that cute. It drove Deidara into a fit of pure giddiness as he adored the old man. His husband was the most divine little turkey pants on the planet.

Sasori was a damn lucky man to have a husband who loved him as much as Deidara did.

Deidara ate another and another chocolate. He really wished his husband would just give all the essays their failing grades, not even bothering to read them. In his defense, he was going to fail them no matter what! Instead of focusing on those papers, he wanted Sasori to focus on him and only him. It was the weekend after all!

"Why not just fail them? Why bother reading them in the first place, hm?" Deidara asked, mouth full of his treats.

Sasori simply took a deep breath through his nose, "Deidara, I just can't do that. I'm a teacher."

"You're going to fail them anyway..."

"That's not how it works." Sasori scorned. "To repeat, I'm a teacher. I will read every student's work so I know what I need to criticize about them next. They need to face my wrath for being incompetent idiots."

"Tsk!"

In reality Deidara swooned a little as he this time was lectured by his Danna. It was so responsible, tough, and sexy of the man. Oh how it made him hunger for him.

"Should I get some dessert, hmm?"

Sasori looked up at his chocolate smeared husband and raised a silver brow, "don't you think you've had enough dessert?"

"No, not for me. You."

Oh heck yeah Deidara wanted to give his man some dessert. Have a nice piece of him!

Sighing, Sasori marked the paper he read with a big fat fail and went to the read the next, "You know the doctor said for me to cut back on the sweets if I want to live a long life together with you."

Live a long life with him? Immediately Deidara squirmed in his seat as he didn't have any more pieces of chocolate to soothe him to go along with his husband spouting romantic mush. How dare he be so sweet!

"I know, I know. I was thinking something healthy already. I was with you at that appointment."

Sasori seethed as he recalled that day where Deidara demanded the doctor check for everything. EVERYTHING as he then demanded him be bent over the bed with his pants dropped. The sound of that glove snapping still sent shivers down his spine.

"Don't remind me."

There was only one man who should ever be allowed to do that to him; and that man had special permission via a gold ring on his finger. Not a fancy piece of paper on the wall.

"Anyway! You need to take your medication with food, Danna."

Sasori looked at his wristwatch, a lovely twenty-five year anniversary gift from his husband. As his love had said though, it was indeed time for him to take his night time medicines. "Fine."

Getting up and walking to the kitchen, Deidara made a move for the fridge pulling out a jar of soft and sweet, but without added sugar and completely organic, applesauce. A perfect healthy treat for his darling that he knew the man loved. Now to get the topping! Into his spice rack he put the cinnamon to the side and into the cabinet he pulled out a few bottles of medicine.

Putting the pills into a little plastic cup, he put them onto a tray alongside a small glass of water. Before he sprinkled the cinnamon on the dessert, just the way his Danna liked it, Deidara froze. Looking back to the cupboard and then to the doorway, he could see the back of his beloved husband's gray head.

Deidara smirked as he reached into the cabinet, dumping out a single blue pill onto the counter. With the back of a spoon he crushed it into a fine powder. Sweeping it into the palm of his hand he dumped the drug into Sasori's applesauce and mixed it in until it fully dissolved. Finally he topped it off with the cinnamon and put it on the tray.

"Here you go, babe." Deidara hummed, pitting the tray on the side table. "Medication and a treat for my honey bunny!"

Sasori scowled at the name but of course said nothing of it. He could never say he hated it, just give the illusion he did. Why? Because he absolutely was Deidara's hunny bunny- no buts about it. Grabbing the plastic cup in one hand and water in the other, Sasori popped the pills and chugged the water...

"And now the applesauce, un..."

"Hm?"

"Enjoy!" Deidara chimed loudly, "I'm going to have a shower and then crawl into bed to get...comfy."

"Yeah yeah, I still have some grading to do."

"See you in a little bit~" Deidara sang and he trotted away.

"Hm?" Sasori grunted again until he noticed he was alone, "Tsk, brat." He finally mumbled as he reached for his applesauce. As always, Deidara made it just the way he liked; delicious. He knew him so well.

As Sasori read, criticized and graded the essays, he squirmed. He squirmed and squirmed, he crossed his legs, and he huffed away as he found himself irritated. Quite irritated. Shifting positions once more after finishing up yet another terrible essay he frowned deeply. Uncrossing his legs, he glared at what oddity was going on between his legs.

"What the hell is that." He groaned, more as a statement than a question. He knew exactly what it was, the question was why.

Blinking slowly he thought carefully. He knew for a fact it was impossible for him to get aroused from failing stupid children. It was also impossible to get aroused around such poor writing and unconvincing works.

The only thing that changed in the past twenty or so minutes was...

"Deidara." He seethed, knowing very well his husband had something to do with this. "But how? Did he slip a viagra into my mixture of medication?" He hummed in thought.

It wasn't time for sex anyway. There just wasn't time and he was too tired. Not that he was too old! He had just a few more papers to do, then he could go to bed and give his husband the cold shoulder for this... this thing! Like hell he would let that brat have the satisfaction of successfully drugging him!

Now at the point, Sasori was in pain. These papers were just torture! They were stupid, vapid works that made him feel like a failure as a teacher! Sure his coworkers may say they were excellent examples of essays, flawlessly written and something to be expected to be taught by the older man. However to Sasori they were pure drivel. Here he was stuck, chewing the hell out his red pen, doing this while he could be doing...that...with Deidara in their bedroom!

Oh yes, there was also the pain of that in between his legs. Not that he was going to give any of it to Deidara! He could do it! But he wouldn't!

Sasori hissed as he tugged at the roots of his hair. This wasn't fair! He wanted to be in bed with his husband!

He partially caved. With a few failing marks he threw the schoolwork to the side and in and instant was standing at his bedroom door glaring down at a freshly shaven and great smelling Deidara, who sat happily on the bed in nothing but a silky black robe while brushing his long blond hair.

"Sheesh..."

...Did he ever smell incredible.

"Why Danna, I do believe you still had work to do, hmmm?" Deidara sneered, eyeing up the problem in his husband's pants.

"Cut your bullshit Deidara. How dare you mix a viagra into my pills!" Sasori scowled, unbuttoning his pants.

Deidara stared at Sasori a moment with wide eyes, "Ohhh! That would have been so much easier!"

"What?" Sasori scowled, slowing down a little but not stopping.

"Yeah, I crushed it up and added it to your applesauce." Deidara sighed, crawling on the bed to put his brush down on his bedside table.

"You're the worst." Sasori spat with the most vile tone he could muster, while still undressing

Deidara stood up and with a smile dropped his black robe, "am I still the worst?"

Sasori glared at his attractive young husband who had aged so incredibly well. His adorable little boyfriend was now a walking sex bomb. Quite the dangerous weapon.

Slipping off his shirt, Sasori promptly hung it up to prevent further creasing. With one final glare at Deidara, he stormed into their master suite bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Unfortunately Deidara wouldn't see his husband or his object of desire for an hour and half. By then the object and the desire was gone.

"Fuck you, old man." Deidara growled from the bed, his arms crossed as Sasori emerged from the bathroom with an unbothered lower region.

"You wish, you little shit."

"..."

"..."

"Well you're not wrong!" Deidara spat out rather pathetically and he waved his arms in desperation.

Sasori didn't cave though, "Deidara don't you dare pull that on me again." he scorned, giving the blond a wagging finger of shame.

Deidara crawled on hands and knees on the bed as he pouted, "Well you're just so sexy! And I knew you wouldn't be in the mood so I decided I would... force you to."

"Well I don't like being forced."

Burying his face into his hands, Deidara groaned loudly before banging the bed with his fists, "I cant believe you wasted it! I would have helped! I would let you do-"

"Deidara..."

"And then I'd go down and-"

"Deidara."

"And then touch and su-"

"Deidara."

"Then I'd ride and fu-"

"Deidara!"

"You wasted my sexy times with my sexy husband..." Deidara wailed into his hands as he curled into a ball. Glaring from his huddled ball, he seethed, "I won't forget this, Sasori Akasuna!"

Sasori just crawled into his half of the bed and huffed, "I don't know why you're the one who's mad, I was the one drugged!"

"The result of the drug was sex! Sex with me! Me, hn!"

"I'm the boss..." Sasori pouted this time.

"You're such a baby, hmph!"

"May I remind you that you just curled into a ball and practically cried?"

"Babies don't cry for sex!" Deidara cried out, missing the irony

Switching off the light, Sasori sighed, "Goodnight Deidara."

"I'll get you old man... I'll get you good!"

* * *

part one of two. please dont look too deep into deidara slipping his husband a viagra. yes it wasnt kind. i am aware.

BYE LOSERS


	5. Just desserts

Walking down the street away from the bus stop, New Boy stretched as he made his way down the quiet street back to his house. Thankfully this friend he visited lived far enough away that they wouldn't choose his house to come over to- lest they accidentally see who his dreadful neighbor is and ruin the boys social life.

As he approached his house, he noticed someone in the driveway of the dreaded house that homed the dreaded neighbor. Someone was working on a small truck.

"Hello there, Mr. Akasuna."

Deidara looked at the boy with a bit of a pout as he shifted on his creeper, "Hey now that's not cool. You're making me sound old. Just 'Deidara' is fine." Then sat back, and slid back under the car.

"Well... aren't you old?" The boy shot back as he didn't know how old Deidara actually was. For all he knew he was just a few years younger than his ancient teacher, just with some plastic surgery, hair dye, make up, and some proper skin care.

Y'know, gay stuff...

Deidara didn't respond to the boy calling him old and chose to just ignore it- that is unless the kid pissed him of further.

Accepting the silence though, the boy nodded to himself, now having the approval from the man to use his first name. Heaven forbid he be considered rude and have the blond tattle to his teacher. The next day? Oh the boy could just imagine it as the old demon would glare and hiss at him for disrespecting his man.

"So...uh...gays can fix cars too huh?"

There was continued silence under the truck, until a loud sigh, "Sasori was right when he said his students were morons." he said rolling his eyes.

He felt for Sasori now. Having a pupil dumb enough that he assumed he didn't know how to do mechanical work due to his sexuality. He knew how to fix a car, install a new water heater, do the plumbing, and produce the flyest winged eyeliner. Deidara was truly a man of many, many talents.

Scowling, the boy leaned against the vehicle, "Y'know teachers shouldn't talk about their students like that. He could get fired."

"He's got tenure, hm. Besides, his bosses love him too much. He's fine... for now."

"Damn." The boy growled as it now made more sense why kids didn't complain to their parents enough to get a mob in there to demand he be fired. Guess one tough teacher amongst a sea of softies was balanced. He also had tenure too. Can't quite fight that.

"Well, what're you doing under there?"

"Cutting Sasori's breaks."

"Haha real funny..."

Rolling out from underneath the car, Deidara looked the boy dead in the eyes, "Funny?"

"You're not really cutting his breaks."

Sliding out fully, Deidara got up and wiped his oily hands in a rag, "We just got back from the doctors and then getting him new life insurance. The sooner he's out of the picture, the sooner I collect his insurance, move somewhere tropical, and live the rest of my life as a giggolo. Get my own taste of younger men."

The boy couldn't believe what he was hearing; and Deidara looked so convincing too!

"Yup... about time I spread my wings from that old fart." Deidara sighed as he put his hands on his hips and stretched his back.

"Uh, Yeah... Speaking of that old- uh...him, what's he up to?"

Deidara sighed heavily and with a jut of his hip, pointed towards a fence that led to the backyard, "I forced him outside to do a little gardening. Get a little fresh air. Enjoy life before- " the finger that was pointing outwards retracted and as Deidara turned around, he swiped at his throat, "Kkrrttt!"

With that Deidara grabbed a new tool before hopping on his creeper and rolling back under the vehicle.

"I think I'll say hello..."

"You mean goodbye?"

"Uh..."

Wandering to the backyard, the boy watched the old man fumbled and grumbled as he clipped the hedges- until he ultimately gave up, throwing the blades into the grass with a swear. Bending down slowly, he picked up the hose and stuck with watering. It was then the boy noticed at that wheel barrel with trimmings from the bush the teacher had been trimming had fallen over. There was a good chance that the older man made the decision it would be for the best he didn't pick it up, lest he accidentally injure his back.

"Knock knock! Mr. Akasuna!"

"Hm? What?" Sasori responded gruffly, continuing to water.

Walking into the backyard, the boy picked up the wheel barrel and moved it to the side-

"Hey, aren't you a student of mine? How did you find my house?" Sasori asked before pointing the hose at the teen, "I'll shoot."

The boy stared at his teacher a moment. This man before him was a new creature. With his shirt unbutton at the top and his sleeves, rolled up to elbows, he could actually SEE the man. He seemed trim and fit, rather youthful when he wasn't dressed like a grandfather.

Honestly, he didn't look all that gross at all. Still old and gross, but less than usual. Maybe he could loose the wicker sun hat.

"Yes I am, Mr. Akasuna. And I live across the street."

Sasori hummed, "Ah Yes, the house that just sold... ah yes you. You're that mouthy New Boy." He growled waving a finger.

The boy watched the waving finger, recalling how Deidara had used one in a throat slitting gesture after talking about murdering the old guy, "Ahh haaa... yeah that's me."

"What do you want."

"I was talking with Deidara-"

Sasori narrowed his eyes, "That's Mr. Akasuna to you, Boy." and snapped at the teen like he would any punk kid in his class.

"Oh Ah.. well... he said I could use his first name. He actually said the other way made him feel old."

"Old?"

"Yes sir."

"Bah." Sasori scowled loudly, "There was a time he was practically begging to be called Mr. Akasuna. Wore it like a badge."

"Yeah... uh, Mr. Akasuna..." the boy started, "I was talking with him and he said some pretty alarming things I think I should tell you."

"Alarming? Pish posh..."

"No! He seriously told me how he was cutting your breaks."

"Ah..." Sasori hummed as he knew Deidara was out front, "he's just grumpy about last night when I- uh never mind. It's fine, just ignore him."

"No, listen!"

Sasori sighed and lowered the hose once more, "I'm listening."

"He has it all planned out!"

"What planned out?"

"How he's going to murder you!"

"And he told... YOU all this?" Sasori asked, making sure he got all the information. Preposterous information mind you.

"Well- yes, Sir."

"Right." And he went back to watering the plants.

"Well you did just get your life insurance done again. For a lot of money, didn't you?"

Sasori let go of the trigger and turned around again, "How do you know that?"

That's quite the personal information.

"He told me! He told me of his plans of cutting your breaks, killing you, getting your life insurance and living in a tropical place. He said this time it would be him with the young men! He called you an old fart!"

Sasori let out a disgruntled guffaw. Then his face dropped, "he... did always say he'd like to retire somewhere sunny... but I burn too easily as I'm a redhead..."

"You're a redhead?" The boy asked rather bluntly, looking at the gray hair.

"Oh quiet."

"Yes sir!"

"But..." Dropping the hose Sasori stormed out passed the boy and down the driveway, reaching down with a mighty yank, that honestly surprised the boy who followed him.. Guess the old guy had strength and the capability to ignore a chance of injury after all.

"Hey you, brat!"

"Oh...hello, Danna."

"We need to talk."

Deidara looked up at the nervous looking boy and scowled, "Narc."

"What the hell were you talking about with..with...with my student!"

"Not much. Just you being an old fart."

"You... agh! What are you doing under there anyway?"

"...stuff."

Getting up, Deidara once more cleaned fluids and oil off his hand-

"Is that brake fluid!?" Sasori quickly accused.

Deidara looked at his hands, the palms and the backs of them, "Well..."

"Deidara I can't- I just- why!"

"You know why."

"Because I don't like it when you drug me?"

The new boy stood there awkwardly. Deidara tried to drug the old guy too? Yikes! Based on what he saw and what his classmates said- Deidara was smitten over Sasori and vice versa. Now to hear that Deidara was drugging and planning his murder.

"Why would you cut my breaks!?"

Deidara snorted, "What the hell are you talking about my senile old baby?"

"Baby?" The New Boy repeated in shock, but both adults ignored him.

"If I were to cut your breaks, I'd need your car, hmm."

"Yeah?" Sasori scoffed as he put his hands on his hips.

"Sasori, Honey...Konan has your car." Deidara spoke slowly as he approached his husband, "She's borrowing it for the weekend, remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

"This is a truck. I'm working on the gasket on MY truck. Your car is long gone."

"Oh."

"You don't know how to drive a stick shift so even if I did accidentally cut the breaks on the truck, you couldn't drive it."

"That's... Oh hum..."

"..."

"Hey you little shit..." Sasori growled as he realized the cruel trick played on him.

In an instant Deidara ran into the backyard with Sasori hot on his tail. Following the two older men, genuinely worried who was going to kill who as at this point it was a fair game. He also didn't know the old man was capable of running that fast. He wasn't surprised though now, this old man was all around terrifying.

As the new kid came around the corner and past the fence his eyes went wide. There his teacher held his hands up, surrendering to Deidara who held the nozzle of the hose.

Pointing it, Sasori feared the worst, "This is for trying to ruin my marriage, skanky boy..." Deidara said in a volume that Sasori would struggle to hear, before he shot past Sasori and at the teenager, relentlessly and completely soaking him.

"Agh!"

The two older men approached the boy and neither helped him up. Sasori had no desire to while Deidara shot him briefly again.

"Bleh... Wh-Why...?"

"That's what you get for calling me old." Deidara scowled, "and you," Deidara clicked the nozzle to a powerful jet setting and shot his husband in the crotch causing the old man to yelp loudly, "is for... you know what you did." And walked out of the backyard and into the house.

The New Boy looked up at his teacher who gasped in shock and pain at the cold water soaking into his pants and genitals, "Isn't the part where you pass your wisdom of not getting married?" He asked.

Looking down Sasori snarled at the boy, still holding his crotch, "No! This is where I say, living near a student is nothing but trouble!"

"Huh?"

"Now you listen here you punk, I don't know what Deidara meant by you being skanky and trying to ruin our marriage," Sasori shook out his leg while the Boy swallowed harshly as he earned his teachers scorn on a weekend, "but being married to Deidara is the best thing in my life! I shouldn't have doubted him and listened to a mouthy brat like you!" He finished yelling before storming off into the house after his husband.

The New Boy sighed heavily and got up off the ground, all soggy, wet and dirty now.

"Well, I am in for it on Monday now... I hate living here."

-x-

Deidara curled up to his husband, twirling his finger in the grey chest hair, "Mmm, that was nice."

"Yes, yes it certainly was." Sasori gasped as he caught his breath.

"Mm... my Danna is so handsome and sexy when he's angry...and realizes he's wrong~"

"I still stand by my not wanting you to put viagra in my food, but I shouldn't have doubted you wanting to kill me for my money. The fact you would want to put the drug in my dessert to have sex with an 'old fart'," Deidara chuckled as he was quoted, "Well I'll admit it is quite flattering."

"Oh god... you were just so sexy that night, hmm!" Deidara moaned as he recalled finding his husband to be quite the dessert.

Sasori kissed Deidara's head, "I was only grading essays."

"Oh...my baby doesn't know his own power over me!" Deidara swooned, shifting his body up to kiss Sasori slow and passionately.

"Mm..." Sasori moaned into the kiss, caressing Deidara's strong arms with his thin wrinkled hands, "I love you." He mumbled against his beloved's soft lips.

"I love you too."

"But I have to ask, why did you call my student a 'skanky boy'? What was that about 'ruining our marriage'?"

"Ah."

"Wait...did he... did hit on you?" Sasori asked before quickly scowling loudly and tightening his possessive grip onto his husband, "Kids these days!"

"Ahhh!" Deidara screeched in delight causing Sasori to flinch, "My precious Danna doesn't have a clue what a handsome boy he is!"

"What?"

As Sasori was smothered once more, across the street the New Boy sneezed, "I wonder if I'm going to catch a cold now..."

* * *

part two

deidara get his revenge and his man. also the return of New Boy.

uh, if you don't know like i didnt and had to look up; a creeper, like deidara was using, is those carts to lie down and slide under cars

BY LOSERS


	6. Old and Wrinkly

"Will you love me when I am old and wrinkly?"

Deidara stared at his husband of five years as he lounged on the couch reading a magazine. He was twenty-four now and Sasori fourty. Yes they got married quickly, but they just knew they were destined for eternity... as much as the blond hated the idea. Yet he didn't hate it when it involved the redhead.

That's how he knew this man standing before him was the one.

Deidara was aware of the situation when he started dating the man and even more aware of it when he married the man. Yet there wasn't a moment he wasn't swooning over the guy. Be it his looks or his actions, his passion or his faults; Deidara loved this man.

Narrowing his eyes and crinkling his nose as if he had to think about it, he painfully drew it out. Humming and sucking his teeth, tapping his fingers and chewing his bottom lip...

"Well?"

"Yeah I can see you being stuck with me until you're cold and dead."

"Wow, Deidara. Romantic."

"Love you, babe." Deidara chuckled as he sat up and tossed the magazine to the side. Now having room for Sasori on the couch, he patted for him to join him, "What's up my man?"

"Don't call me your 'man'." Sasori hissed as he took that seat next to Deidara. "I'm your 'husband'. Not one of your 'mans' like I'm some sort of drinking buddy."

As soon as he took his seat was done complaining, Deidara was on him like a child approaching a playground. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Accepting the 'baby' in place happily- though he would never admit it or show it. Of course he couldn't dispute it even if he wanted it to. He was indeed Deidara's baby. No buts about it.

"It's just..."

"What?" Deidara asked pecking Sasori's plump lips as he stay straddling his lap, moving his wispy bangs out from his face, "Tell me what's on your mind." he whispered genuinely, pecking him now on the forehead.

Oh that was his Danna's soft spot that made his toes curl.

"I..."

"You..."

Sasori sighed and looked Deidara dead in the eyes, "I found a gray hair."

Deidara continued to stare at the sad, almost fearful look in his husband's eyes. Then he looked at the beautiful red locks he wove his fingers through. The hair he would nuzzle into as he traced his fingers along his husband's strong arms while Sasori would press his face into his chest while they cuddled.

Gray hair huh? On Sasori?

Deidara moaned.

"What."

Grabbing Sasori's face he threw the man into a whole hot and heavy make out session. It was messy and rough, but there was no way Sasori could get out of it even if he wanted to. Which he didn't.

"What the?" Sasori panted as Deidara pulled away slightly. "What-"

"Frick, you're gonna look so hot with gray hair..." Deidara growled as his imagination got the better of him. Even the mental image of the gray hair he thought of the man with wrinkles. No matter what, Sasori was only ever going to be seen by the rose coloured glasses Deidara had on for him.

When Sasori was a sick, snotty and sweaty mess? Deidara wasted not a moment in catering to his poor honey bunny. No phlegm about it. So why would gray hair or wrinkles be any different?

"You're really okay if I go gray?"

"Danna," Deidara kissed the man's forehead with repeated feathery kisses, "you could dye your hair green, purple and pink and I would still love you."

Sasori smiled as Deidara resumed with the light kisses, "You mean it?"

"Of course! But..." Deidara looked the man in the eyes once more, "Maybe not...dye it crazy colours."

"You brat," Sasori sighed, giving Deidara's thigh a light pinch as he in a way retracted his statement. "I'll try not to, just for you."

-x-

Sasori stood in front of the mirror, feeling mighty fine after making his husband of fifteen years howl like a cat in heat. Looking in the mirror he then sighed as he tugged lightly and then firmly at his sagging features. His hair wasn't entirely gray just yet, but was pretty damn close. He wasn't balding as his hair was still as thick as ever. But damn was he sore now. Especially after that romp. It was a miracle he could still even stand at the moment let alone keep up in the bed. Deidara was wild!

Popping some painkillers, he returned to his stunning husband, who lay there no longer a panting mess but rather basking in pure happiness of the after sex bliss, with a wet wash cloth. As he wiped down the still effervescent young blond of thirty-five with care, he frowned.

"Will you...still love me when I'm a old and wrinkly?"

Bliss disturbed, Deidara opened an eye and glared at his husband, "this sounds familiar, hmmm..."

"Mm..."

"Well," Deidara sighed, "you still manage to turn me on with that gray hair of yours." He laughed. "Turn me way on."

"Deidara..."

Sitting up, Deidara rest a hand on Sasori's cheek and pecked his forehead as he pushed the gray hair aside, "I love you so much, you don't even know."

Sasori smiled as he kissed Deidara's palm, "Thank you."

"Ya gotta stop asking me this though, hmph."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, man! Like, you're making me feel like I don't make my love for you shown enough that you start to question it, hm"

Sasori frowned as he head tilted downward in shame, "I guess I never thought of it that way."

Making a few grand gestures before resting his hands to drag Sasori down to the bed with him, "Well, guess I'll just have to make my love more known!"

Sasori froze as a thought occurred. Deidara already was pretty hands on, emotional and incredibly public with his affection. Was there really a way he could... do more? "You really don't have to." He cringed as he now wasn't sure he could take anymore of Deidara's love.

"Oh hell Yeah I can!"

-x-

Sixty, wrinkled, gray and feeling sore; Sasori was content. He would always look in the mirror and of course be unhappy with the sight as his once beautiful youth had withered away. However when he turn around or enter the next room the awful feelings would vanish as Deidara would smother the hell out of him. Smother.

How this incredibly sexy man could writhe and coo in delight at every little thing he did; Sasori would never know! He was pampered and spoiled beyond belief by the blond who just seemed to be a creature with unending love and affection for him. Some people would call it suffocating, but Sasori found it...kinda suffocating too, yet he just accepted it as he originally brought it on himself by being too needy.

Besides! It's not like he would ever tell Deidara to stop because of course he couldn't dispute it; even if he wanted it to. Which he didn't. Suffocating in Deidara's love wasn't all that bad after all. Many people often looked on in jealously.

He couldn't blame them. Deidara was a gorgeous forty-something year old.

"I'm off the work now." Sasori smiled as Deidara walked him to the door, handing the old teacher his specially prepped tin lunch box.

"I love you Danna." Deidara gushed as he kissed the man on his wrinkled forehead, "Be safe and try not to get too pissed at the kids." He gave Sasori's chest a pat, "Don't you go stressing out that heart of mine."

Sasori turned his head a little and narrowed his eyes as Deidara referenced the vows he had made for the blond on their wedding day; vowing to give his heart to him.

"I'll certainly try, but there are quite the bunch of idiot juniors this year."

"You say that every year, hn!"

"I love you Deidara."

"I love you Danna."

Sasori kissed Deidara who happily accepted it, "You have yourself a good day at work too."

"Yes Danna..." Deidara sighed, kissing Sasori on the lips once more only to get a really great response, "Do you really gotta go to work?"

"Mm..." Sasori pulled away a little as he noticed Deidara begin to cling, "Yes."

"Frick." Slapping Sasori's chest again before the man could turn around he chuckled and then gave the old man a flirty swat on the butt. "Get outta here you man of mass seduction, hm!"

Sasori didn't say anything about the butt smack that took place publicly on his front steps but rather as he walked away he gave a little fist pump. Now matter how old and wrinkly- he's still got it!

* * *

thats right i made deidara say frick

do u like it mushy and romantic? i got u some mushy with a side order of romance

Bye for now losers!'


	7. Sasori Sucker

Sasori glared at his students written work, the paper blurring as the words danced. Damn his ever failing eyesight! He could scowl all he wanted to, yet he couldn't help but bite his bottom lip as he knew that once he got home and complained, his darling husband would kiss his forehead and tell him how beautiful his eyes were no matter how much vision he lost. Perhaps it was time for a new eye exam like Deidara had said a few weeks prior. He didn't take that all to heart because it wasn't his fault that Deidara would yell "heads up!" after throwing the object.

Still, his eyes burned a bit.

"Having trouble there, Mr. Akasuna?"

Glaring up and at the young teacher, "Shut up, Hatake." He hissed.

Of course Mr. Kakashi Hatake wasn't bothered by the grump as he knew the older man while growing up himself. In fact, his father went to school with Sasori for awhile, his father being a few years older than the man. Unfortunately for Kakashi, there was a bit of a grudge to be held though that extended his father and had passed on to him... Apparently with the 'Big Buddy Program' at their school, let's just say Sasori didn't like his 'Big Buddy Hatake' very much.

What a jerk!

Driving home was a handful as he struggled to see properly. Man was he ever tired, the days were shorter, drier and cold. He was tired and his eyes burned. As he walked up to his front door he had it all planned out, lie on the couch and have Deidara put some eyedrops in, then have some dinner and quickly go to bed. He was exhausted! Taking off his glasses as soon as he finished driving felt a lot better, but that meant he could see even less. It still felt good to give them a good rub though.

Hopping up off the ground from his work he had brought home and laid out, Deidara rushed happily to greet his husband of many blissful years; ready to coat his darling in a mass of sugary love. To be honest, he had something silly he wanted to share with Sasori...

Sasori narrowed his weary eyes as he looked at Deidara's face carefully. He didn't say anything though all evening; after the drops, or after dinner. Unable to see very well, he didn't want to pass judgement on what was probably some sort of new makeup and end up insulting Deidara unnecessarily. For all he knew, under that massive blur was something very lovely.

After a taking his meds early, he dropped everything just to turn into bed to rest his weary eyes... he was dead as they burned even while closed, "You don't need to pat my butt like a baby. I can fall asleep on my own." Sasori hissed as Deidara cuddled with him since he was turning in so early.

"But you _are_ my baby..." Deidara sighed, still patting his butt as he spooned Sasori. "And it's such a nice baby bum."

As usual, Sasori couldn't refute it- but this time without a silly excuse as he had already fallen asleep. Deidara kissed his head, "I love you so much Danna, I'm blinded with love. But seriously are you blind too?" He snickered.

-x-

The following day, two senior girls cut their class before lunch, just to walk about and eat somewhere else. Of course they would return afterwards as they had the dreaded Heartless Akasuna at the end of the day. If they had skipped his class- no, if they even had the thought, Mr. Akasuna would rotate his head 360 degrees and spit fire at them. They were already pushing their luck skipping ANY teachers class as they would send the ditchers to Mr. Akasuna's Detention Club.

"Ugh." groaned one of the girls as they walked into a convenience store for a slush. Cold weather didn't mean a thing when you needed you sugar rush to put up with an afternoon with...

"What's wrong? What's with the shuddering?"

"Just thinking about a horrible _monster_ I know."

"Oh my god, I think I know what you mean!" The other girl cackled as she on multiple occasions felt the fear crawl like a spider up her spine. "Wait- speaking of monster... isn't that the monster's _beautiful_ bride?" She then joked as she nudged her friend in the right direction.

With a little flinch, she stood on her tiptoes to get a better look, "I think it is!" she watched on as he tussled around his long blond locks and fiddled with his red scarf, "Gawd he is so-o dreamy!"

"What a hunk!"

"Uh...huh." Muttered the girl as she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head.

"What's wrong?"

"Does... no way..." she looked even harder, making sure she was seeing things from a distance correctly, "does he have a face tattoo!?"

Deidara looked around at the shrill voice in confusion but saw no one as the girls ducked back into hiding, "Bwuh?"

-x-

"_How could you! _You let him ruin his gorgeous face like that!" Wailed one of the girls to her teacher, the other with clenched fists.

Sasori glared at the whiny girls who had just stormed into his room, the rest of the kids moving like perfect puppets on strings as to not anger their teacher. It was the last class for them today, they come bursting in and start squealing like pigs at him! Kids these days! Did they _want_ to join him for detention?  
"What thing?"

"A face tattoo!"

Sasori tilted his chin down, "A what now?"

"He had a black design...or was it writing... fancy writing... on his face! Wahhh! How could you let him do that to his beautiful face!"

Other students heard and gasped quietly at the news while others didn't know who Deidara really was. This class was mixed with some older teens whom had had the delight of meeting the blond, plus others who had only hear vague stories like they were legends. Myths even because who would love a man like _that_.

These girls were of course a couple of the older ones.

Sasori was in shock while they continued to whine as he recalled the night prior when his eyes were bothering him. He wasn't seeing things properly yesterday, but he could recall seeing a black blur when Deidara got close to him. Yes! There really was something strange on Deidara's face! And if it was there today, the writing was the thing he saw from yesterday.

With this big news, Sasori couldn't focus all class, struggling to x,y, and z. Sure, Deidara had gone off and gotten a tattoo before without his permission. He didn't need permission! Most of the time he asked for feedback though, gave some sort of warning- and did not put anything near his beautifully sculpted face. Being unable to even form proper sentences before getting lost in a fog of panic, he rushed his class without handing back essays, checking yesterday's homework, or even assigning tonight's homework. His main goal was to go home. In fact, the biggest shock of all... end of the day detention was put on hiatus!

Into the house, Deidara happily greeted his husband with a big smile while he watched television and folded clean laundry on the floor.

Sasori sat on the floor and stared at Deidara, moving close and further, glasses and no glasses to see the tattoo.

Deidara stared back just as obnoxiously- just to rile him up. What was Sasori's problem? Storming in so early, plopping himself down and glaring at him with his head bopping around like a chicken. He looked ridiculous! Holding up a pair of his husband's underwear to hide behind, he laughed, "What's your deal, hm?"

"Where... where's the tattoo?" Sasori asked, moving the hands holding the underpants to the side so he could rub harshly at Deidara's skin.

"Ack!" Deidara yelped as was scrubbed, Sasori licking his thumb to rub some more, "My makeup-"

"Exactly! Makeup! See?" Sasori held up a black thumb, "Black- wait that's just eyeliner..."

Deidara touched his face where Sasori has callously smeared the makeup down his face, "My eyeliner... jeeze... wait, what tattoo?"

"My student said you had a tattoo. Deidara? Where is it?"

"Oh!" Grabbing at his waist band, "you mean-"

"Not that one!"

"Hmm you're right... I don't know how they would have seen that one anyway...un."

"Deidara!"

"This one, hm?" He rolled up his sleeve.

"Not that one either."

"This one?" He held out his hand, pointed to his palm and two fingers. "Or these?"

"Not those..."

"What about this one?" He said pointing to his ring finger to where it said Sasori's name.

Sasori smiled at that one, "No not that one, but I do like that one."

Tugging again at his waistline, Deidara gasped, "More than-"

"_Well that one is good too_!"

"So the tattoo on my chest is what's left..."

"What about the new one on your face!? A student caused an uproar because she said she saw you with a face tattoo!"

Deidara blinked, "I fell asleep at work yesterday and Konan drew on my face. She said I couldn't wash it off until the end of my shift today. I guess your student might have seen me at work... Oh! Or while I stopped at the the corner store quickly at lunch on my way home..."

"That's it!"

"But yo...man.. you mean you really didn't see it last night, hm? It was there last night and you didn't say anything."

"My eyes were too dry and my reading glasses weren't on to see your face..."

Deidara grabbed his husband by the collar of his dress shirt that poked out from his sweater, "You! You shouldn't have been driving then if your vision was _that_ bad!" he then reached around and spanked his husband. "Idiot!"

"Idiot?"

"Although...I should I have figured something was up when you didn't say anything about what was on my face..." Deidara hummed "I mean, even now your not accusing me that your students saw what it was, just that something was there."

"What was it? Did it say anything bad?"

"Sasori Sucker."

Sasori's eyes went wide, "You... you mean you walked around for a day and a half... with 'Sasori Sucker' on your face?" his hands shaking in horror.

Deidara wiped under his eye where Sasori had gone searching for the tattoo and attempted to clean up any stray liner, "Well it's not like I had of choice of what was written, but yeah, hm."

"I...I'm going to kill that girl." Sasori spoke as if he was in a demonic trance, getting up to phone her and cuss her out.

Deidara sat there a moment before going back to folding his husbands undies, "Damn that's hot... but it's not like she wrote anything _wrong_. She could have changed one letter and written something much worse." He rationalized. Then with a sighed his arms drooped and he looked up, "Sasori Sucker, huh?" He mused as he reached into his back pocket and got out his cellphone, "I kinda like that."

-x-

"I think it said something like a scorpion...?" The girl mumbled in thought as her teacher held her back after class before lunch, steam coming from his ears. "Like the scorpion thing? Yeah, I don't know what that means? Why?"

Sasori sighed in relief and informed the girl it wasn't a tattoo, just a penalty from Deidara's boss for being a poor worker on the job. Thank goodness she caught half of what was written and didn't even know his full name.  
Mr. Akasuna was plenty good enough, thank you very much.

"Don't go gossiping about things when you don't know the whole story. Especially about teachers and their home life."

"Yes sir."

"But Deidara _does_ have tattoos, right?" Asked a friend of the girl who stayed behind, "I've seen the ones on his arms."

The other girl coo'd "Oh I've seen them too! Super cool."

"Yes he has a..." Sasori got a little more quiet, "few.  
Quite a few actually.

"You like them?" The girls asked, feeling rather daring today. If anything, knowing that Sasori's husband was handsome, cool, young and had tattoos was kinda strange to them. How could such a dreadful old man have such an amazing taste in men?

Sasori growled at the kids, "What did I just tell you? This isn't gossip time where we talk about _boys_, it's learning time so you all need to learn to shut your mouths! Detention after school!"

"Aw man!"

"It's not even learning time, it's lunch!"

-x-

Coming home to Deidara resting on the couch, Sasori sighed as he was told dinner was just pizza. Delivery was on its way so he had to get ready to pay for it.

"What are you doing just sitting at home in your boxers?" Sasori groaned as sat down beside Deidara. Just his boxers in a nest of a mess. Did Deidara take the day off of work?

"Well..." Deidara hummed, coming clean and lifting the hem of his boxers rather high, there on his lower hip was a bandage over his old tattoo.

"What- What did you do!?"

Sasori loved that tattoo!

"Just a modification..."

"Why-"

Lifting the bandage carefully, Deidara showed the change with a wicked smile. The once simple tattoo of a scorpion was now one of those lollipops with the scorpion inside.  
"Now I'm a real Sasori sucker, hm!"

Quiet a moment, Sasori pressed his fingertips to his lips. It was kinda hot. The girls had asked earlier if he had liked tattoos. Not all of the things Deidara had put on his body did he love, but yeah, most of them were damn hot. Especially the ones pertaining to him.

"It's still sore," Deidara sighed as he had come to know the pain all too well, and recover it, "but why don't you give it a gentle press, like a button~"

With a feather like touch, Sasori quietly leaned over the lounging blond to touch the bandage, ready to see what that sexy 'button' did. While he was in close proximity to the blond, he got a big kiss to the forehead as Deidara grabbed handfuls of hair, sucking that smooch good and hard as if he was like a zombie out for brains.

"You..."

"Mm! Tasty!"

"Brat..."

"Nuh-huh! I'm a Sasori Sucker."

* * *

heads up, unless stated, chapters are in no particular order. dates and seasons may jump around.  
just to make it easier and more fun also im boss fight me

bye,losers!


	8. Home

Deidara kissed his husband tenderly as he cupped his face, "I'll miss ya, baby." he whispered, kissing even more as he uttered out the last word.

"Brat... behave and be safe..."

"I will... Danna."

Sasori kissed his husband back discreetly as Deidara's female boss looked on with giggles, "Oh grow up Konan! You're the same age as me. Act like it." he hissed as soon as he heard the laughter. "Don't let her be a bad influence." He then growled in Deidara's face he got in real close, yet still loud enough so she could also hear it like it was some sort of insult. "You're an _adult_."

She giggled some more as she watched Deidara ignore Sasori's words and instead focused to clinging and kissing his husband more, "Yeah, I know...right. Let's go Deidara. Pfft." Konan spoke up between laughter as she watched the two some more, hardly heeding Sasori's words either.  
The Deidara she knew from work and the Deidara she saw now were so different. She had known Sasori for years too though and- sometimes while watching them, it was hard to see who was more whipped!

Sasori waved goodbye as the two walked through the airport, away from where he could follow. Now he had two weeks alone, no Deidara to disturb him with all his incessant flirting, not that he would outright say he hated it because he really didn't for the most part. Peace and quiet away from students and as well as work in general. He now had all the time he could now dedicate to his own fine artwork. Thank god for spring break.

The peace didn't last though.

The first day was... interesting to say the least. Sasori was excited to cook for himself again after leaving bachelorhood a long time ago. Now when Deidara was gone, he could cook the foods he knew his husband hated and would thus for refuse to serve; no matter how much Sasori would request it. However even after cooking, he still ended up making too much, already looking around for a hungry blond to gobble up the rest, just like when they had started dating. If anything, after all these years of cooking for two, suddenly being able to jump back to one would be strange.

Eating alone quietly, he could recall fondly the moment he first cooked for Deidara. How amazed he was, how his foot stroked the inner part of his calve, how he couldn't keep his eyes off Sasori to the point it drove the older man crazy with embarrassment. Since they married quick, even when he was busy working his own job, Sasori cooked most dinners while Deidara finished school. It then turned to them cooking together, then it turned into Deidara cooking since he got off work early. Not to mention by then he had plenty of practice.

Sasori scowled into his mound of food, "You aren't even worth it." and pushed it aside. He had no appetite as his heart ached, longing for Deidara to be seated with him, talking away with his mouth full of food and explosive hand gestures as he talked all about his day and feeding Sasori with all the juicy gossip and intel from their friends and the general art community.

Now he had never outright said that he needed to know the latest confidential details, who was planning this, or who was making that. However Deidara knew; he knew his husband was dying to soak up every gritty detail of the art community. It was great to have someone to gossip to! Not to mention Sasori did love hearing it and was fantastic at keeping it all a secret, not spreading it around further. If Deidara told him it was just between them? Sasori absolutely kept it between them.

Perhaps this is why he became a high school teacher? High school students were buzzing with gossip he had a keen ear for eavesdropping into. Just as long as it wasn't about him, they were okay.

Saving his food with a piece of plastic wrap, even though he knew he wouldn't touch the leftovers, he sighed as he walked to his workshop with a glass of fruit juice as a sort of treat. Already he was wallowing in self misery, unable to eat- and he had only said goodbye to Deidara that morning.  
Still, Sasori basked in his art. He loved it. As long as he didn't leave his workshop to eat or sleep he was okay. Food seemed to be less appealing without Deidara, the sleeping alone in his bed without being spooned? It was cold. Lately if he needed to sleep- he would just do it on the couch with a picture of his beloved nearby on the coffee table across from him. How he missed that stupid smiling face smushed up against his cheek, laughter ringing in his ears.

At this point it was only four days in.

Opening up the cupboards and fridge, over and over, Sasori was in a tizzy. Deidara had loaded the house with food prior to leaving, just so Sasori would survive and not need to shop and instead could focus on his art. Yet with a house full of food, he was cross. Nothing looked good, nothing was appealing, and he knew very well he had already lost a couple pounds in the five days without Deidara. When Deidara would come back, he'd take one hug and wail how his husband was wasting away, guilt ridden as he would waste no time in trying to put meat back on his bones.

Now Sasori couldn't have that. If anything, Deidara should come home to a clean house, a warm bed and the most loving arms.

Leaving for the grocery store, Sasori wandered slowly up and down the aisles for hours aimlessly. He was bored, lonely and knew he couldn't leave without some sort of food. Nothing was appealing, no one had even asked if he needed help! He felt as if he was going to explode at any moment here...

Looking up from his discussion with his partner, a Police Officer glared at the sight of some old guy going off at some young employee. Before his partner could jump in and stop the fight, he put his hand to their chest,

"Whoa whoa, whoa..."

"What?" Officer Two asked, confused as to why he was being stopped. That poor boy looked as if he was going to bawl!

"I think..." Officer One mumbled before gasping, "I think that's Mr. Akasuna!"

"Mr. Akasuna? Wait... that nasty teacher from high school?" Officer Two narrowed his eyes, "My god- I think it is him!"

"..."

"..."

"_Ew_... what happened to him?"

As the two slowly approached, they cringed at the all too familiar sight of the man making someone quiver in fear and horror. The teacher they knew though was younger than this by maybe ten years. Ten years had aged the old guy hard. Something about him was unhinged, unkept as he was distressed. Maybe it also had to do with the way he was dressed? Clearly he had not been properly been taking care of himself. No one had! Looking, they could tell one thing was the same as usual, the guy was an absolute prick. Nasty.

"Watch as I get us some revenge." Cackled Police Officer One to the other. "I'm not scared of that old bastard anymore!"

"That cooky old bastard is insane to be doing this. Has he no shame?" Officer One then muttered to himself as he approached the altercation to stop it. "Sir, relax."

"I am relaxed!" Sasori growled as he hardly took into consideration that a man of the law was talking to him. What did he care? "I just need him to understand that he's-"

"Sir, do you know who I am?"

Sasori glared at the cop now, "No."

Officer One sighed loudly and elbowed his partner whom had now approached the situation for backup, "Look at that! Public freak outs and he's also losing his memory!"

"But do you remember me?" Asked Officer Two, resting his hands on his knees as he knelt down a little to get on Sasori's level in a condescending manner.

"No! Should I? Pfft! No!" Sasori now huffed and growled as he began to get fussy.

"Come with us old man!" Officer One said, both of them scowling as they forcefully took Sasori away from the poor shop employee and into their squad car.

"Unhand me!" Sasori demanded as he couldn't put up much of a fight. He was hungry, tired and weaker than these young muscular cops. Of course they could drag him away! "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see Mr. Akasuna... you'll see." Chuckled Police Officer One as his sinister plan began to take action.

-x-

Sasori gasped as he was then dragged into a building after a long and tiresome drive as he nagged the entire ride. Mustard carpet and cream walls, tacky floral seats and trays with pills; the air reeking of fish oil and fragrant floral perfumes and colognes. He had been taken to an old folks home! A place for the elderly who were unable to care for themselves. A place where the elderly went to die. Him? Here? Seriously!?

"I am completely sound of mind!" Sasori yelled once he was in the care home. "And- Let me phone my partner!"

"Partner?" Asked the woman at the desk who was busy getting the paperwork for the two officers to sign in the lone old man until his family could come and take him away.

"Deidara, you brats!"

"Who's Deidara?" Then asked Officer One as he had never heard the name.

Officer Two nudged the other, "He's married? I do... I do see a ring."

"No he's not, he lying!" Police Officer One scowled, "He's just a cooky Old man!"

"Deidara my husband!" Sasori protested again, this time being more specific.

"Husband?"

Sasori let spit fly as he was losing whatever 'cool' he had left, "Yes! He's just out of town for a bit!"

Of course for him, he was used to saying he had a husband. He was gay and not ashamed. Well... Ashamed of Deidara's actions sometimes? Yes, definitely yes to that. Him? Have a husband named Deidara? That young hot blond over there behind bars waving to me because he got into a fist fight with that other guy with the bleeding nose? Who? I have no husband.

Of course Sasori would still end up paying bail, telling the officers at the station to keep him in there an extra hour as punishment.

"Right... tell us Mr. Akasuna... tell us all about this 'Deidara'." Officer One spoke in a mocking tone, nudging Officer Two discreetly.

"He's forty-seven," Sasori started as he carefully composed himself, "long blond hair, blue eyes... very handsome..has some tattoos. He's an art teacher at a studio. He's just out of town with a coworker."

While Officer One looked at the old man as if he had gone mad, the other laughed, "So you have yourself what sounds like some gorgeous young artist for a husband?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I have!"

"Right~ sounds like the cute guy at an studio you attend on Saturday mornings for your weekly socializing group, he calls you 'sweetie' and pats your wrinkly ol head-"

"_He does do that!_ He's my husband!" Sasori yelled as that's exactly how that worked. Of course Deidara would pat his head and call him sweetie, they've been happily married well over twenty years! To not have little acts of affection would be preposterous. The fact the Officer could name one of them off the top of his head was just dumb luck.

"Yeah yeah. Poor guy shows a little bit of attention towards an old man until he's deluded into thinking they're married... it's a shame to see such a great mind like Mr. Akasuna's wither like this..."

"Mr. Akasuna..." Sasori mumbled as he questioned if this and the other officer were possible former students or if they were being professional. Only coworkers and students ever called him that. If they had been past students; had they never seen Deidara pop in and out of their school years? Sasori had been teaching for well over thirty years now, but maybe it was before Deidara's time with him played a bigger role. Maybe they were just lousy students who never went to school?

"Damn it." Sasori growled, "let me just call him!"

"Yeah, sure, fine~"

Rushing to the phone, cursing that he didn't bring his blasted cellphone with him, he called the number and scowled as it went to voicemail. Made sense as Deidara was not only out of the country but in a different time zone and the blond was probably very busy.

"...Deidara just get here as soon as possible!" He yelled, his voice dry and crackly from all the yelling he had been doing that day.

"A mysterious, gorgeous younger husband you just can't contact, huh? What a shame!" Mocked Officer One, "You're just going to have to stay..."

"I really have to stay... here?" Sasori gasped, reality setting in. "I have a home already that I am am plenty capable of living in on my own! I- I am neither an old coot nor am I a baby!" Sasori quickly bit his tongue. Oh how Deidara would deny that last statement. Loudly and with many smothers. Damn it he missed his husband dearly!

"You'll be very cozy!" Officer One went on, taunting his old teacher.

Officer Two joined in just as bad, "You can talk about sweater vests and the good ol days!"

Sasori scowled as the men continued to mock him, "I'm really not that old..." and tugged on the sweater vest that Deidara had bought for him and then proceeded to call him his 'handsome boy' once he put it on. If anything the whole Old Man Look was more of a costume... wasn't it? Looking at his shaking frail hands he scowled. How did this happen? Could he really not take care of himself anymore? Was he actually losing his mind? Deidara hadn't even been gone a week and he was forced into elderly care. Sitting up in his seat he took a deep breath through his nose. Deidara would get the message and come for him, wouldn't he? He certainly wouldn't take this as the perfect opportunity to leave him and live abroad, right?  
"Honey..." Sasori mumbled in his quietest voice, "Come back."

-x-

Sasori sat around in a room of fossils bitterly as he was administered his heart medicine, "I like it better when Deidara does this..." he insulted the nurse. He looked at his little cup of applesauce she had prepared for him after refusing the banana she wanted him to eat, "This is terrible. You're terrible. You do this for a living day after day of your pathetic life and yet you remain a failure. Disgraceful. Deidara is much better."

"Ah, the elusive Deidara..." she hummed, ignoring all his insults easily as she was one of the staff with the most seniority, knowing well how to deal with the likes of grouchy old men from her years of experience. "Sure Deidara is great. Sure he's real." She then joked as she had been informed of the old man's imaginary amazing Husband.

"He is! He is, he is,_ he is_!" Sasori screeched, pounding his fists against the arms of his chair.

"Right. You know a lot of closeted old gay men, when they get older and lose their shame-"

Sasori shot his arms in the air, exasperated, "Oh for fu-"

"And then? They project their hidden desires and regrets!" She sighed, "Do you regret never coming out of the closet, Sir?"

"_I was never in it_." Sasori hissed at the woman as if he was holding back venom, veins sticking out on his neck and forehead as this random woman tried to give him a brand new life story.

"Oh my! Look at those veins... you're heart pressure must be up. Let's have you take those heart pills!"

Sasori grumbled the whole time. In the closet was he? No way! Deidara definitely wasn't the first guy he had been with, but he would certainly be the last. Him in the closet, the both of them even, what a joke!  
"God I hope he gets my message and gets here soon..." he growled as she left him to choke back the nasty applesauce, "I have to go back to work next week!"

Of course, it didn't take long for Sasori to lose his mind in that home. Where they watched what he ate, controlled what he did, and were far to invested in his bowel movements. He's not old! He's sound of mind and just wanted to be home with his husband- or at the least cooped up making art. It certainly didn't help that he wouldn't let any of the care workers touch him. They offered to help him shave, trim his hair a little, get him to wash up. He wanted nothing to do with the place though so went completely unkept, filthy and literally foaming at the mouth. There was nothing to calm this man down. He was put to make their jobs as difficult as possible.

Of course the workers began to gossip and murmur about how awful Sasori was. They were no different than any of his rotten students, the ones he was so excited to get away from this spring break.

"That gross old man is a mess!"

"Definitely not a married man."

"Who would _marry_ such a sick minded old coot?"

Sasori fidgeted in his bed as he stared at the phone that was placed in his room, waiting for Deidara to phone back the secretary where she could forward the call to him.

"Sir, you should just relax." Spoke up a nurse as she came in with the original Police Officers behind, checking in on him... With their own unkind ulterior motives.

It wasn't a very nice visit as Police Officer One chuckled bitterly at his mean old teacher in distress, "Yeah Mr. Akasuna. Just give it up already. Act your age." And walked out.

Sasori sat back on the creaky bed in the home, quiet and all alone. He hated it. It was called a 'home', but it wasn't his 'home'. He hated that he had to wait for Deidara to save him, he hated not being in control, but he hated the fact that Deidara wasn't just with him even more. If Deidara were here, he would make everything all better. Just Deidara being there could make this fake home a real home because there was no doubt he would be in the blond's arms, safe and at ease.

Dragging his hands down his face, he looked at them shake from not eating. Looking at the mirror in the room he gasped, "Who... who is this...?" and touched his whiskery face and greasy gray hair.  
If Deidara did come to see him now, he would tell the home to keep him for sure because they were right. With the way he was behaving, he did belong here. He wasn't acting his age. He was an adult, he was in control, yet he certainly wasn't showing it. He was pathetic and he hated it. If Deidara was going to come back for him and take him home, he would need to make some big changes.

It had been three days more when the workers at the main desk located at the entrance shrieked in horror as their door was kicked in; some blond looking biker punk rushing in with tight fists, pounding on the desk yelling, "Where is he!?"

"Who? Are you... you missing your grandparent?" Guessed the poor woman working behind the desk.

"My HUSBAND!" Deidara yelled louder, throwing a massive fit as he stomped his feet and hit the desk like a child, "You stole him! You kidnapped my _baby_!"

"Who?"

"Sasori Akasuna!" Deidara panted as he tried his best to compose himself, just enough to reach into his pocket, "I'm Deidara Akasuna, hm!" He said as he handed the nurse his ID.

"Husband...?" she muttered, looking at the...young blond. She then bit her bottom lip as she watched the man calm down, tussling his hair about as he fiddled with it anxiously. A gorgeous older man really.

"Yes! Sasori is my husband! I went on a small trip this spring break for work, and get a message he's been apprehended and taken to a retirement home, WHY? WHY!? Give him back!"

"Well sir... there were these two police officers claiming to be former students, said they found him to be not sound of mind and causing a fuss at a grocery store..."

Not to mention _nobody_ believed that 'Deidara' was actually real. The idea of him was nothing but a fantasy.

"Of course he caused a fuss! He's a fussy old man who was probably bored and lonely, but that doesn't mean he's not sound of mind! He's a tough, intelligent, sexy teacher-man and those 'supposed students' were probably little shits as kids, so they wanted revenge on the man who was tough on them, hm!"

"Oh..." the nurse gasped as she wouldn't put it past those men wanting revenge now that she herself had been face to face with the man. He was mean! "They told us how ridiculous and fake your existence was..."

"Well I'ma here ain't I, Hmm? Take me to my husband right now!"

"Husband who?" Walked in a nurse comforting a younger female who was in tears.

"Sasori Akasuna." Replied the desk worker.

The weeping, young girl in her early twenties cried out more after hearing the man's name. The name itself just shook her to her core. Instead of being just grossed out by the guy like most of the other girls, she feared him. That man tore her down as he spat the most vile venom.

"Sheesh Danna," Deidara scowled as the girl wailed loudly, "you sure can make 'em cry. Sorry sweetie!"

Now Deidara always thought Sasori's tough demeanor was hot. Very hot. He just didn't like it when the guy made poor undeserving girls cry. This girl was probably just doing her already tough and probably underpaying job...

"He... he..." she sputtered, ridding her eyes of her makeup as she wiped her tears.

"Yes?"

"He's in the bingo room!" The poor girl wailed as she collapsed into a chair.

Deidara politely handed the girl a tissue from the box on the desk and rushed down in there and narrowed his eyes as he searched the sea of gray crowns and elderly clothes, as he searched row by row, "Oh, that's a nice sweater... oh that's not mine.. oh, that's not him, not mine...oh... Oh!" His heart burst as he spotted his young man among a group of old ladies. Looking down to his husband, he smiled as Sasori contently played bingo very focused on the game. In front of him was a banana, an applesauce packet, a juice box and a race car. "Danna..."

"Silence... I'm close to getting myself another bingo..." Sasori mumbled as he worked his three cards he had fought so hard for. "That teddy is good as mine!"

Deidara looked up at the worker calling the numbers to see the bear and then back to Sasori's pile of treasures, "You winnin' there buddy?"

Not looking up, Sasori scowled, "I don't have any 'buddies'."

"That young handsome man is Sasori!" An elderly woman spoke up, tugging so very lightly on Deidara's jacket sleeve. "At first he was very scary and messy, then he all of a sudden became very handsome!"

Another old woman cackled, "Quite the gentleman too! He helped Betty tie her scarf this morning, and then helped Agatha put her hair clip in straight!"

"He listens to me complain about young kids these days without interruption! Not like other men. It's so nice!"

"He said if Deidara were here, I should wear this sweater." A very, very old woman in a wheelchair, missing her leg from diabetes spoke up, "Deidara would find my sweater very pretty!"

Deidara looked at the sweater with a twinkle in his eyes while the elderly people stamped another number as it was called out, "Ohhh! It is a lovely sweater!" He gushed as he admired the snow white knit sweater with red floral embroidery. He had tried to put Sasori in ladies cardigans, yet that's where he put his foot down.

"Handsome Sasori says he's got himself a Handsome Husband, you know!" Cackled the first woman. "Strange!"

"Oh?" Deidara hummed as he leaned closer to Sasori, "Do you have a handsome husband?"

"The most handsome husband..."

"What's he look like?" Deidara asked, realizing now that Sasori was so focused on winning he didn't even recognize him the whole time he was there talking to the women.

"Like an angel."

"Aww." Deidara sighed as he sat down. He could just kiss his sweetie right here and now! "When you finish up, how about I take you home-"

"Bingo!" called a crackled voice in the room making Sasori growl and slam his hand on the table,  
"One more game." he seethed.

Deidara nodded, "Yeah sure." and grabbed himself a card as well to join in. The new prize being a fifty pice jigsaw puzzle? Sasori loved puzzles! He had to win it for him.

—-

The police officers showed up after the nursing home called saying the elusive Deidara actually showed up. First thing they noticed was the drastic change in their old teacher. He had definitely cleaned himself up to be more presentable. But they couldn't help but stare in awe at the man maybe 10 or so years older than them, playing bingo him. Game after game after game until Deidara won one of the five puzzles they were handing out as prizes.

"He is young..." gasped the Office Two.

"He is blond..." gasped Officer One.

"He is attractive..."

"He's actually real!"

"So you see, those two petty ex-students of yours are what put you in here, hmph!" Deidara scowled to Sasori as he carried the heavier one of his husbands bags. "How dare they!"

"I knew something was suspicious about those two..." Sasori muttered as he held on tightly to his little bundle of bingo winnings, plus his new hundred piece puzzle of a cottage that Deidara had so kindly won for him.

Walking to the exit with the bag full of his belongings, Sasori glared at the two officers and gripped even tighter to the bag. Oh how he wants to chew them out. How dare they not think Deidara was real, that Deidara was just some kind young man that gave him a little extra attention, enough to delude him into 'make believing' their many years of marriage! If only they were his students again, surely then he would be able to succumb them to the fear of his wrath. Now though? He could never...

Putting his bag on the secretary's desk, he grabbed Deidara suddenly by the waist, and dipped his husband and kissed him in front of the two trouble makers, forcing them to watch as Deidara happily kissed back.

"Oh sweetie," Deidara gushed as he pulled away and juggling his own bag that had been tossed about, "I'm so glad you're okay." and pat Sasori's head as he stood back up right, pecking him on his forehead, wedding ring sparkling on his finger.

The two officers were shaken. They really were married! Deidara is definitely real and he does call him sweetie and pet his head! No wonder their teacher was so furious!

"Sorry, Mr. Akasuna Sir!" Squeaked Officer Two, "No disrespect, Sir! This was all my partners fault!" He confessed, while pushing his friend under the bus.

The other officer gasped as he was outed for his malicious plan, "Hey! Well... I uh... sorry sir! Forgive me sir!"

Deidara growled and kicked both officers in the shins-

"Hey! Ow! You can't do that!" Yelled Officer One, stepping closer to Deidara and easily looming over the short male. "That's an offen-"

"Don't. Talk. To. My. Husband."

The officer looked over at his old teacher and in an instant was washed over with what felt like a war flashback. Those foreboding and evil eyes glaring down not on him as he was too short, but down into the depths of his very soul searching to destroy it. Dark aura radiating from his body and encapsulating the room in cold doom. There was a reason Sasori was feared by all-

Teacher or not, he was one terrifying little man!

"Yes sir!"

"We deserved those kicks, sir!" Squeaked Officer Two as he two felt the wave of fear and even nausea overwhelm him.

"We apologize, sir!"

"Forgive us, sir!"

Deidara let out a loud grunt and linked arms with his husband, "let's go home, Danna!"

"Tsk! Kids these days!" Sasori scowled, taking his leave from the retirement home with his husband at his side.

"Yo... man..." Officer Two spoke up as they watched as the couple got into a souped up, blue, retro truck. Deidara using a helping hand to get Sasori up and into the high thing.

"Wh-what..." squeaked Officer One, as he calmed his racing heart after just being scolded by his dreaded old teacher.

"I thought you said you weren't scared of him a-anymore..."

"...shut up."

-x-

In bed just lying with Sasori, Deidara smiled at the soft snores. As soon as they got home Sasori was smitten with his love of his house, his husband and his life. Deidara had told Sasori they could do anything now that they were home safely together, and this is what he chose; a cuddle in the warm and full bed he so dearly missed.

"_A bed with you in it is the only bed I want to sleep in_." Sasori had said.

Deidara had to agree with kisses as such sentiment melted his heart. Like Sasori, he had missed his bed and most importantly his husband. This was the best place to be for sure. The best place was home.

Kissing the top of Sasori's head, Deidara smiled. He smelled delightful! It was a different soap, a fresh one that smelled of peachy babies. His face was cleanly shaved and he looked less gaunt than he expected. Usually when he left the old man to his own devices, he would get lonely and refuse to eat. This Sasori looked as vibrant as the day he left him! With a subtle movement, Deidara guided Sasori in his arms into a new comfortable position as he readied himself to have a nap as well. Face it, Deidara was kinda an old man too! Jet lag and the inability to sleep after getting the initial message didn't help either.

As he closed his eyes, he thought about many things. His trip, the heart attack after hearing Sasori's panicked message, the rush to find a flight back home, and most in particular that his husband was doing quite well being in a 'home' setting while he was away. Perhaps the next time he was gone, he would make arrangements to have Sasori visit them for a few rounds of girl talk and bingo.

* * *

i wrote this back in spring break, but spring break didn't really end now did it? for future readers years ahead- corona lol.

poor sasori got tossed in a home for being cranky. you know, i just noticed im not very kind to him in my fics hahahahahahahah. BYE LOSERS!


	9. Can't help falling in love

A man of mystery, one of changes and surprises; Deidara truly was one of a kind. A piece of fine art. Unique. Something that Sasori truly loved, yet unfortunately it sometimes also worried Sasori... a lot.

Walking into the living room out from the kitchen, Sasori stopped in his place and chewed at his piece of buttered toast. There was an odd sight he glared at, chewing slowly as he processed it. On the couch in the living room to was Deidara, sitting up straight and rigid- mortified at the television as he clutched his pillow.

"Heya buddy. Are you watching a horror movie?" Sasori asked, unaware they even showed such films at nine in the morning on a Sunday. Not that he really cares anyway. If anything he just wanted to piss off his husband by calling him, 'Buddy'. Which was a continuation of a fight they had the night prior leading up to Deidara angrily sleeping on the couch; where he now sat now that morning had come.

"No... no. It's just..." Deidara looked up at his fifty year old husband, chewing his lips as he entirely ignored the teasing, "a scary commercial."

"Okay?" Sasori hummed in confusion as he took another bite. What could a commercial do to scare Deidara? His husband was always so brave, had a high pain tolerance, and was incredibly hotheaded. Which is ultimately why he got into so much trouble far too often, even when he was smart enough to know better. The combination really wasn't beneficial in this certain cases that often left the small blond man in a pickle. Far too often for this aging man to deal with.

He'd still bail him out of course. The sex after Deidara had spent some time in jail was fantastic. Sasori just had to be careful another man didn't claim Deidara as his bride while incarcerated. Not that Deidara would allow that either.

It was probably a suffering puppy commercial. Like hell they were fostering puppies again. They ruined their carpet, leading them to have to redo almost all the flooring in the house. Not that he hated the laminated flooring as if anything, he loved the wooden look. Still, no more puppy fostering; even the puppies, 'That look my precious danna!'

Getting up off the couch, Deidara took a shaken breath. Standing before his darling husband, without warning he picked up him up in less than graceful, and far too crushing way. Not that it was too hard, it's just that it wasn't too easy either. They both definitely had similar body types, especially now that Deidara was getting on in his age having lost that twenty year old glow now he was in his thirties. Still, they were both short and slim men, having a rather ectomorph body type. Or as Deidara's friend, Hidan, would so callously call them, Twink One and Twink Two. Of course they could definitely build muscle and be be stronger- the both of them.

However it was not because they were helpless or weak. They were both grown men and capable of carrying for themselves. Besides, the two of them had quite the special workout routine that kept them both plenty in shape. Which ultimately Deidara especially needed in his life when Sasori would crack open his recipe box, filled with the meals his granny would make when he was young. Oh the creamy pastas, loaded casseroles, hearty stews and soups. Dessert was it's own sinful pleasure that could easily get Sasori laid.

Still, it was a little too difficult to carry Sasori. A 'little' was a lot to Deidara, and that was unacceptable at this point.

"Can you put me down?" Sasori groaned, limbs pinned together as he was squished, "Your arms...uh are shaking..."

Okay okay. Maybe he was still upset about last night and being called 'Buddy'. Maybe this was his punishment?

Deidara scowled as he put Sasori down, "these... these weak noodle arms, hm!" He yelled at his arms, even punching them as punishment out of anger.

"Oh no... were the groceries too heavy again?" Sasori mocked, now able to take his last bite as recalled what had happened last week when he had laughed at Deidara's attempt to bring his in his haul of canned tomatoes Konan had given him as her garden over produced that year- while Deidara's died. Of course he stepped in to help afterwards. It was just so cute that his husband was so defiant- so sure he could do it all by himself like Konan had when she had loaded the car by herself.

Woman was fifty-one, but she was tough as hell.

"No!" Deidara snarled, "This is much more serious. Something precious is at risk..."

"Pardon?"

It was too late. Deidara had his mind set on something and was gone leaving Sasori in his dust. As of there and then, he immediately started working out. Even without proper the equipment, that very first night he did everything and anything possible to get stronger. To say the least, it was weird. His diet and whole lifestyle changed instantly, but not to the point that he would turn down dessert. Suffice to say, Sasori didn't even know what to think when Deidara upped their routine in the bedroom as well. It was like the blond was working twice as hard- not that it was bad. It was actually incredibly wild. Sasori was just having a tad bit of trouble keeping up with him!

Months later on one sore morning after a very intense and rigorous night, Sasori couldn't help but give in and ask what the heck was going on.

However it was during his sit-ups, and of course Deidara didn't stop to chat, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, hm." He just said, panting as he remained focused on his goal of making his new best.

"Do I have to do anything?" Sasori asked shuffling around nervously as he on the other hand had not been working out. He was busy and would rather not spend as much of his spare time 'working out' as Deidara was. However he was willing, ready to join him to be supportive. Like, he was already cooking different food and, most importantly, was being as supportive as physically possible in the bedroom.

Finally stopping and sitting up, "Babe, you're perfect the way you are!" Deidara said, panting with a smile and ending it by blowing his husband a kiss.

Squinting his eyes at the flirting, knowing well where it could lead at this point, Sasori frowned as he felt his body already ache even more, "Yeah, about...uh, last night. We might need to take it a little easier."

"Huh?"

"Honey, I love you, but... you're an animal."

Deidara fell back onto the floor laughing, "Sure thing, Danna!"

Within the month, oh how Sasori wish he hadn't said that. Standing at the sink and doing the dishes while dinner was being cooked, he couldn't help but keeps his eyes off Deidara through the window that lead onto the back porch. Out there was Deidara's little gym set up. Nothing too fancy, just a lift bar and some weights; but damn he'd be lying if he said Deidara didn't look fantastic using them. He was like a model. Anyone would buy these pathetic products if he was their spokesperson! And at dinner? It was no better as he when called his husband in, his eyes were glued to the animal he called his husband. There he sat there across from him, drooling at the mess that was a sweaty Deidara, who had plopped himself down callously and just started stuffing his face with food; mostly of protein.

His long blond hair sticking to his skin. Face still flushed and newly formed muscles from behind his tank top. Sticky, dirty and hot, yet Sasori wouldn't dream of sending this beast away from his table.

Deidara was definitely changing and by god it looked good. Where did his sweet little blond go? That Deidara was nice. But This? This was good too. Sasori would be dragging this man to the bedroom later tonight without a doubt.

And looks aside- a healthy Deidara meant a long life they could spend together. Sasori could definitely appreciate that.

After dinner and a much needed shower on Deidara's part, the two curled up on the couch watching the television. Sasori in a pair of shorts and large T-shirt, while Deidara relaxed in just a pair of sweatpants. Sooner or later there would be the perfect moment for Sasori to transition to something more- Unfortunately for him his planning was put on hold as a commercial came on that made Deidara sit up right, rigid. Sasori, torn away from his devious planning whilst stroking the long blond, damp hair, was shocked by how on edge he was. It was the same reaction he had had almost a year ago...

On closer inspection, Sasori looked at the commercial that had caused Deidara to freak out so much. To his surprise and confusion, it was an old rehashed commercial, the one with old people falling, unable to get up and needing some sort of emergency device. It was overall quite tacky and poorly done, but it got Deidara so invested in it. Why? It wasn't scary in the slightest!

Jumping up, "Danna! Stand up!" Deidara demanded.

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

Standing up with a groan as his knees ached, Sasori yelped as Deidara picked him up again. The last time being about eight months ago, just before he started working out. This time around it was much more graceful, featuring less arm trembling and bone crushing.

With ease, Deidara swung him about, moving Sasori so was held in the classic bridal style.

"Ack! Deidara!" Sasori hissed in embarrassment as he had never been held in such a way. Sure he had been spooned and probably would always end up being so as Deidara had claimed cuddling him the best thing ever. But never had he imagined Deidara, swinging him around like that. He honestly hated that it made him swoon a little.

Deidara grunted and nodded, brows furrowed as he assessed the situation. Then he sort of listened to his husband. Sort of. Swiftly he put Sasori back down on his feet, yet just a brief moment later his husband was up again high, and now plopped over his shoulder.

Oh Sasori didn't like that either. Instead of a bride, he felt like a princess being tossed over a monsters shoulder.

"Deidara!" He panicked with kicking, "Deidara you put me down this instant!"

Laughing proudly, Deidara grabbed behind Sasori's knees to restrain him, "This is perfect!"

"Deidara- What!?" Sasori cried out in horror as he still continued to wriggle over his husbands shoulder; alas without success.

"Now if you fall I will be able to pick you up!" Deidara said proudly. Pointing towards to the TV he sneered, "Take that scary commercial!"

"Wait..." Sasori grumbled as he gave up, just accepting that he was now going to be held. Surprisingly enough he was actually thankful that Deidara then moved him back to bridal. "That's really the commercial you were scared of a all those months ago?" He asked looking up at his husband who held him so dearly.

Deidara nodded, proudly smiling as he puffed out his chest, nose turned up.

"That stupid one... with the whiny old people falling and needing help?" Sasori reiterated, needing to make sure he wasn't hearing the wrong thing.

Deidara nodded again, "uh-huh!"

"So... you..."

"I'm strong now!" Deidara beamed as he swayed Sasori side to side, "Now if you fall I can come pick you up!"

"Deidara you Brat!" Sasori yelled, incredibly offended, "The people in those commercials are at least eighty!"

"Yeah?"

"Deidara I'm not eighty! I'm only fifty!"

Snuggling Sasori in close as if he were a baby, Deidara hummed, pleased with himself, "But now they're not just good for hugs. Now you're safe, hm!"

"I was never in danger!" Sasori groaned, not denying that they were good for hugging. They were always good for hugging. No doubts there and he would be damned if he ever stopped getting them.

"So I shouldn't carry you?" Deidara asked, sadly as he gripped a little tighter, clearly not wanting to let the graying haired man go.

Sasori growled as he carefully took in the feeling of being carried by his young husband. The cute, little thing first married, the one HE carried over the threshold after their court wedding, carrying him to their bedroom as the twenty year old brat weighed nothing at the time. The small work of art that he wanted pinned against the wall when he first laid his eyes on him was so... so sexy now- in an entirely new way. He was still short and slim, but the muscles he had managed to add to his chest, arms and even his light abs. They were so firm and strong...

"I'll take the lip licking as you're okay with it, un." Deidara chuckled, also noting that he was being felt up.

Mortified, "The what?" Sasori asked.

Deidara kissed Sasori, sliding his hands around his husbands body, moving him so his legs were wrapped around his his waist.

"Wanna go to bed?" Deidara asked, kissing Sasori's neck, "You know you were saying I was making you sore? Well, my legs are stronger too now you know. Perhaps we could see how long I can ride for? Maybe even time it."

Sasori's lashes fluttered as he toyed with Deidara's incredibly hot and muscular shoulders, feeling up the smooth skin that had the damp hair stick to it. He did already want to take Deidara to bed anyway...

"Shall we make a bet on the time?"

Deidara stuck his tongue out and winked, "Winners gets a blo-"

"You know it."

-x-

There was crash and a thump that sent Deidara rushing across the house. One step into the doorway, he saw on the floor was his sixty-six year old husband in the kitchen, the mat in front of the sink askew and a plate broken on the floor. His eyes went wide and his body began to tingle as Sasori sat there on his butt grumbling and holding his lower back.

"Don't you DARE make this a big deal." Sasori growled, pointing at the man who stood above him, those fingers wiggling in anticipation. "I'm fine. It was a little trip, so I-"

Too late. In a flash, Deidara was past the pieces of the broken plate and Sasori was up in his arms being held like a baby who had narrowly missed danger.

"I may have fallen, but I didn't need help getting up!" Sasori fussed, squirming as Deidara was immediately giving some incredibly important first-aid kisses. "Gah! Especially like this. Now- why this is just over the top!"

Deidara ignored the rambling and wiggles and instead walked the older male to the living room. There he sat down on the couch with him on his lap, still grumbling about being picked up, being compared to the helpless old people in the stupid commercial they still played on tv to this day. The rambles went through one ear and out the other as Deidara hummed, proud he was strong enough to take care of his aging husband,

"I'm just so glad you're safe." Deidara sighed as mellowed out, the instant fear that initially went through him when he heard the crash and seeing Sasori on the floor, ever so slowly subsiding. "And Danna, if you do fall again-" As both knew there could be another and possibly even worse fall in the future. "- and do need help, I'll be there, hm." he said holding his precious husband tight, nuzzling his face into the side of his grey head with a heavy sigh.

Sasori sighed as well as he stopped all the moving, relaxing and just gripping at his husbands strong arms. The ones he had gained and maintained just for him. In the beginning and through the years Deidara never said he was working out to better his health. From where he sat, he could still hear the rapid thuds from Deidara's chest, and the tight grip as he still help onto him. This was all entirely for his benefit. This was to keep him safe. And as he looked on, bodies pressed close together; his hand roaming Deidara's firm chest. He just couldn't help himself and licked his lips.

"Okay fine. You did good." Sasori admitted. "Go get cleaned up and meet me in our room."

"What?"

Sasori successfully shoved Deidara away, and grabbed him by his collar as he kissed him, "Don't make me repeat myself!" he hissed.

Plopping Sasori on the couch, Deidara scampered away like a bunny. He did not need to be told again as he knew exactly what his Danna meant and was absolutely going to give it to him.

While the blond was gone, Sasori got up, popped a viagra and rubbed some cream on his lower back and even some joints in preparation. With this romp in bed with Deidara? He was sure to be hella sore in the morning. They both had to work tomorrow too!

However after all that he had gone though? To do it on a work night? He sure deserved it. Oh- Deidara that is, not him. Of course Sasori couldn't help but smile as thought of the blond. Even though the both of them had changed through the years, be it for the better or the worse. Yes they had their surprises, their ups and downs, and unique circumstances that could cause them both to be worried. But one thing that would always be the same was Sasori would have one hell of a loving husband, and it seemed Deidara agreed.

* * *

Tiiiime skips i know. also i have been thinking about sasoris age through this fic a lot. tbh i find that i write him to he a lot older and grosser than what his age is hence why when i time skipped to the 'now' he was aged up to a more 'fall worthy' age.

oh darlin, it only gets worse from here. thank goodness you have deidara to pick u up when youre at your lowest!

Help ive fallen for fictional ninjas and i cant get up

BYE LOSERS!


	10. Why sweater vests? Why?

"Vintage clothes are so in style!"

"1990's retro baby!"

A girl popped her head up from the sofa and glared at the teens, "Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

The two teens looked at the young woman that was snarling at them, one girl giggling while the other just sighed in defeat, "No sis!"

"How dare you consider my childhood retro!" The woman yelled again, "I'm not old! I'm only thirty-five!"

"Weren't you born way back in the 80's?"

"Way back!?" The woman threw a throw pillow at the girls in a huff, "And hey! It was 85' so the nineties were just as much as my childhood too!"

"Whatever. That's still forever ago." mumbled the younger sister as she dropped her keys into her purse, "Anyway, my friend and I are going thrift shopping to buy some vintage stuff for cheap. See ya!"

"Vintage!?" The woman whined as she wept into the sofa as they considered the day of her birth 'forever ago' and that her youth was slowly turning 'retro'. Oh... how could time slip by so fast? "Kids these days..." She muttered bitterly. That is until she wanted to gag, "Ugh! I sound like that one jerk teacher in high school..."

Walking into the thrift store, the girls happily sifted through the racks, laughing at some style choices from back in the day, getting excited over finding something that looked brand new and of course their goal of cute 90's retro clothing. Slowly but surely their baskets began to fill up, and all at one hell of a deal. Not only that, buying used clothing kept it out of the landfills and the specific store they were buying from benefitted a great program that helped women in their local community!

Really, they were doing something amazingly commendable. At least, that's how they liked to put it. Them buying from this store in particular was girls helping girls right? They were soo feminist.

"Let's go look at the sweaters. I've been hoping to get a tacky sweater for the holidays and it's never too early to look."

Well! It was cardigans, ponchos and sweaters galore. The girls still sighed heavily as they searched, "There's still a lot but, like, it's out of season so... you think someone came through here and took all the good ones?"

The other girl hummed as she leaned against the rack, "Maybe we should try again early next week when they put out the newest clothes?"

"Yeah, Maybe we- hey!" The other of the two girls shrieked, pointing her finger across the walkway and into the males section, "Isn't that Mr. Akasuna's dreamy hubby?"

A stupid question. Of course that was him! You didn't see handsome men with long blond hair like that every day. Honestly the both of them were heartbroken he was already taken... oh and gay. He'd make such a hot sugar daddy! Of course... for when they would turn eighteen. They knew it was their teachers husband, but what was his name again?

"Uh, uh, Mr. Akasuna...?"

Deidara turned around and stared at the girls a moment before glancing behind him, "Yes?"

"Oh Thank god! We forgot your first name, but you're our teacher's husband so like we assumed you'd also go by Mr. Akasuna too!"

Deidara scratched his head as he thought about it, "Hey... hey! You're right! I AM Mr. Akasuna too, hm!" He boasted in front of his husbands students.

"Do... people not call you that?"

"Frankly not often." Deidara mumbled with a chuckle, "I tried to get people to call me it, but it never stuck... But I guess it's okay since it can get confusing when you're married to a man who is Mr. Akasuna in a daily basis. The two of us together in the same setting and it can get messy very quick, hm."

The girls couldn't help but hum and nod in agreement, letting the man talk on and on. Who cares if they weren't interested as it involved their totally yucky teacher. They got to be near this handsome man! They could see his abs up close. They could even smell him! And by god did he smell good.

"Oh! Huh, but I guess I was called Mr. Akasuna at the wedding... Hmm, I go by just _Deidara_ in my art..." he continued to ramble to himself, getting a little lost in his own conversation as his mind became clouded by wonderful memories of the handsome man who held onto him so tightly in the courthouse and those eyes dripping with sweet honey as they were stuck on him. "Ahhh Yeah, other than that, the closest I've been called that as of recent is Mr. Sexy Pants by..." he quickly stalled and stared at his husband's students, reality setting in again, "Sooo, What can I do for ya cuties, hmm?"

"Just wanted to say hi and- Oh hey whatcha buying?"

Deidara broke out into a wicked smile as he held up what was in his hand. Immediately the girls had war flash backs as they saw the dreaded piece of clothing; a sweater vest. However it wasn't just a plain one, it was the hideous style that their horrific teacher wore to the battlefield. It was like a hollow silhouette of the crusty old man, all hung up on a hanger.

The fight or flight aspect in the wanted to kick in just at the sight of the garment, yet they both knew if the man was there in the sweater vest, there was no option to flight and certainly no way you were going to fight him. Not unless they wanted to die.

"Are you... clothes shopping for Mr. Akasuna?" One girl asked, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart as she tried to remember that what was in front of her was just a vest and her teacher was not there wearing it. He wasn't there. This was a safe place. Right? Right!? That monster surely couldn't just be summoned by Deidara, to loom over his shoulder with withered lips and ghastly old man breath.

Her friend felt the exact same way as she glanced over her shoulder.

But no, there was no summons as Deidara just nodded excitedly, digging into his basket and pulling out his treasures of sweater after sweater vest, showing them off. Of course each one was a hideously grandpa style. Some were the usual murky shades or vomit colour, while others were that plus dingy print. To the girls, these retro sweater vests were far from 'cute' and 'trendy'. They were just plain old fashioned and incredibly ugly.

"Does he ask you to buy these?" One of the girls asked, genuinely confused by the large smile on the blonds face.

"Nope!"

"Then like, why don't you... I dunno... buy nicer ones? Ones that are less old man? Like... make him look...better...and not so... icky?"

"Icky?" Deidara laughed and shook his head as if the girl was insane, "What are you talking about? My Honey looks so cute in these! The whole reason he wears them is because I like them!"

Both girls were truly and genuinely confused now. Deidara wore such cool clothes! Modern, flattering, and just a little rugged. He looked so handsome and the way he dressed so stylish just to match his dashing good looks. Yet here he was practically screwing over his Husband by buying ugly second hand clothing and then having the gall to gush over how...Oh they wanted to puke... how 'cute' their teacher was in them. He even used the endearing term, 'Honey'.

"Sir, are you insane?"

Deidara frowned, "I don't get it, hm."

The other girl finally spoke up, "WE don't get it! You're cool and stylish and yet you make Mr. Akasuna look mega nasty! Do you secretly hate him or something?"

Looking at the sweaters a moment, Deidara pursed his lips, "Hn, well... when he was younger he dressed a little more like me... not as intense though."

The girls choked as the man admitted their teacher dressed like him in the past. However surely when he meant by 'intense', he meant by the fact that he didn't wear the tight and rugged look, and stuck to a typical modern look. They really couldn't picture their teacher in a cropped top and tight pants.

Little did they know that a young Sasori exclusively wore tight pants...And man oh man his butt looked good in them... Sure there was one or more occasion Sasori grabbed the wrong shirt in the morning back then too. Now he was a lot more careful not to just grab any shirt- lest he be teased by his husband.

"Yeah so that got him in trouble as his female students would flirt too much with him. I couldn't even help myself!" Deidara continued to explain while the girls still remained skeptical, "So I suggested the sweater vest thing and..."

"And?"

"And I realized how cutie patootie he was all old manny!" Deidara gushed, armful swaying about in glee as he recalled the day his husband did his slow twirl dressed down in clothing that an old man would wear. However he didn't wear the clothes for long afterwards, yet the school girls didn't need that bit of information.

"What."

"Haha!" Deidara laughed, "And here he was all worried I wouldn't love him when he got all wrinkly and I was still young but... ahhh he's cute no matter what!"

"Cute no matter what?"

"Uhm, Mr. Deidara maybe you need glasses..." suggested one of the girls as Mr. Akasuna was absolutely not cute and would only get even further from the word.

Putting all his sweaters into his basket onto the floor, Deidara whipped out his wallet which was attached to his phone. Opening the wallet part, he handed some photos to the girls who excitedly saw some younger versions of the couple.

"Oh my god..." One girl mumbled in shock.

"Is that red haired man..." The other gasped as she looked at the blond in the picture kiss at the other man's cheek, "Is that him?"

Picture after picture their jaws dropped as they got to see their disgusting teacher in a new light. The gross old man they knew and feared was young, supple, well groomed and incredibly handsome. His eyes were gorgeous as the light brown hue just seemed to glow, and his red hair was tussled about in each photo giving him a boyish charm. He was still lean, but didn't lack muscle as he did in fact wear very tight and somewhat revealing clothes - that showed off his toned arms in particular.

"Holy sh-" a girl groaned, watching her teacher age like fine wine, "Look at that!"

Suddenly there was a photo of him rapidly changing into what they knew him as... and then back to something similar to what they knew; but different.

"What's going on now?" One of the girls asked, referring to the changes.

"Oh that? That's work clothes and weekend clothes, hm." Deidara explained.

"Wait... so he's not totally gross on the weekend?"

Hearing this, Deidara zoomed in and looked that girl in the face nose to nose, perhaps getting a little too close, "My cute little husband is NEVER gross."

"Oh.. Oh Okay."

They could only guess that they could insult a man's husband to their face so much before the guy finally snapped. To be honest they were surprised they weren't snapped at earlier based on how crazy the man was. They both sighed. It was always the pretty ones...

-x-

Walking in to see his husband, Deidara flopped himself down on the couch beside him while he was busy reading on his tablet, making lesson plans for Monday. Or at least that was what he should have been doing as that was what he told Deidara he would be doing, yet instead was playing a word puzzle game.

While Sasori played his game he sighed, feeling his husband's eyes linger on him, "What?"

Smiling, Deidara held up his bag of treasure. Sitting up excited beside Sasori, he yanked out one of the new sweaters, this one a brown and maroon colour,

"Try it on!"

With a small sigh, Sasori put the game to the side and removed his sweater and put on the vest over top his button up shirt,

"Well?"

"Twirl!"

Standing up, Sasori gave a slow spin with his hands up, giving his husband a show, "We-"

"Now try this one on!" Deidara cut him off, holding up another, this one the colour of pea soup with a hint of a pattern. "Ooh you're gonna be so handsome!"

Putting it on and doing another little twirl, Sasori sighed, but smiled once his back was turned as he gave a moment to let his husband admire his butt. He knew for a fact Deidara was delighted with these purchases and he enjoyed being admired. Those eyes oozed with love, and he was going to bask in it. So sitting down, he wrapped an arm around Deidara's shoulder leaning in and kissing him,

"Thanks, Love. I look great." He gushed, casting his eyes upwards as he did so.

Deidara melted at those honey filled eyes and kissed him back, his hand resting on Sasori's khaki clad thigh... "Yeah, great. Now take it _all off_, Baby."

* * *

i wrote this forever ago. like chapter 3 forever ago but didnt like some ideas and just never felt like proofing it to make the changes. Finally got to it and it may still include some old points i already used elsewhere, but i felt like i shouldnt waste it. bye bye for now ya losers. will be back here real soon bye bye bye


	11. Hair

It took awhile to notice, but when he did it was undeniable and downright unacceptable. That blond was up to something, or at the least, keeping a secret. Otherwise there would be no reason for this atrocity. The fact it happened so subtly over the years without Sasori catching on that is. How dare he. How dare Deidara do this to him.

"Let me play with your hair."

Deidara just stared at his husband, slowly getting up and away from the couch, "I need to make dinner, un." He said, not breaking their eye contact as he backed away from his husband.

"At three thirty?" Sasori asked, sitting there in shock. They didn't eat until five-thirty! They weren't old enough for the early bird just yet.

Still, Deidara stared his husband dead in the eyes, "Yes."

Sasori sighed and shuffled about as he twisted the tissue he kept in his sleeve, putting on a bit of an over the top act that he knew would make his husband swoon a bit, "Hmm. To be honest my dear, it seems like you've been pushing me away. You're leaving me a little... cold..."

Ah...the pouty old man act. With a hint of guilt tripping that made no sense as Deidara was anything but cold towards his husband.

Surprisingly though, Deidara outright ignored it all completely and instead got out his phone. Looking at his calendar, "Next week end. Saturday night." He said rather firmly, leaving little to no wiggle room for discussion.

"What?" Sasori scoffed crudely, breaking the meek act, "I have to schedule to play with your hair now?"

Once again Deidara made a moment of silent eye contact, "Yes." was all he said before turning around to very slowly make dinner.

The audacity of this brat! Something was definitely up and Sasori didn't like it. No, not one bit! He wanted to sit back and run his fingers through Deidara's hair right now, right this instant! Nice things always happened after he played with Deidara's hair. It was like magic as Deidara would turn twice as cuddly and even more affectionate. Like a button for the impossible as anyone would look at the couple and not believe that the blond could get any more mushy. Not only was it a good bonding session, Deidara's hair was just so nice to play with. The way it felt repeatedly going through his fingers was so very soothing.

Well, all week Sasori made subtle reaches for the hair that Deidara evaded with ease. Excusing himself at any moment his husband made a reach for his thick crown of gold. Even going as far as to physically doge the gentle touches by bowing out, stepping back and twirling to get out of there.

It was infuriating because of course Deidara wasn't always like this. Sasori clearly had noted the change. What made it so aggravating was Deidara was almost always giddy and even encouraging the touching by out right shoving his head into right Sasori's hands. However as noted, there were brief times like these where he would dodge him. In Sasori's mental notes of these instances, it seemed like it was every two or three months that he would get dodgy for a bit.

At work and sitting at his desk while detention went on, having already finished his lovely packed lunch, Sasori's mind was entirely full of his husband. Cursed thoughts as he knew he should be tearing down children instead of tearing down himself with the reason Deidara routinely feared his touch.

Scribbling mindlessly on a piece of paper he frowned. Now that he thought about it, what could have changed? Why did his husband of many long and loving years have such odd behavior in regards to his hair? Most of all, why in the world had he not noticed it even sooner? It clearly was on a bi monthly basis this was happening.

Drawing a little doodle of his husbands stupid face, he then drew the hair in question. It's not like his hairline was receding. Sure it wasn't worn in such a ridiculous style as it was when he was in his early twenties. Definitely not as 'in his face', neat, and flamboyantly ridiculous anymore, yet it still retained it's loveliness. Sasori could sum that up to Deidara's taste changing and his overall effort to up keep his appearance migrating elsewhere as he now worked out and focused even more on his art and far less attention spending hours perfecting a singular signature hairdo.

Speaking of art, since being an artist as well, Sasori could easily doodle up a bunch of different angles for a face. Head after head and hair drawing after hair drawing he still couldn't get it as each head of hair he drew from his memory was perfect. Looking at the angle that looked down on the top of Deidara's head, he grumbled into the palm of his hand making all the students flinch in fear.

Grumbling was never a good thing.

Back to his drawing, the top of the head... Why, last week he got blown by his husband, again swatted away when his hair was touched. To his recollection, although his memory of that moment may be blurry as he was very, very, very distracted and the room was dimly lit, there wasn't a bald spot up there that he could see either. It was thick as ever! Deidara was certainly aging better than he had at forty-seven. Sasori was already a little bitter about that as he was almost entirely gray by then!

Not that Sasori aged poorly. Just not as gracefully as Deidara was. If anything, on Deidara's end, he thought the age made Sasori look far too hunky. Which of course lead to the grandpa clothes that failed. Deidara then just got upset that he was now a 'hunky grandpa'.

In Sasori's mind it was Deidara who became far too hunky as he aged. Of course he could never come and out right and say that. At least, not in the way Deidara had. 'Hunky' was just not part of Sasori's vocabulary... But yes, he absolutely thought Deidara was incredibly hunky. Even if that word was unacceptable.

Thinking about his hunky husband and what he did back on that particular day though...

"Whoah!" Deidara yelped as he was jumped on, Sasori kissing his neck and clawing at his body, "You're never in the mood on a weekday!" Deidara yelped as his butt was grabbed, "Eek!"

Sasori didn't say anything, but rather pawed at his husband more as he climbed up on top of him on their bed.

"Did... ah... ah...did a bratty kid get expelled, hn?" Deidara asked between gasps as his pants were unbuckled and ripped away.

What a beast!

Sasori kissed up Deidara's chest, "No, whilst monitoring detention, I was just thinking about what you did for me last Friday."

Deidara went quiet and thought back to that day. A smirk curled on his lips as he wasn't an idiot. He knew what he did that day and he knew what he did good. Real good.

"Ohh Danna! Mm... how could you think of such naughty things while at work, hm?" He moaned to Sasori, sucking and licking his thumb as if it were-

"Well you see I thought about it while I was trying to think of why you wouldn't let me touch your hair."

Instantly Deidara's right hand was full of Sasori's face, "What?" He asked, spitting out Sasori's thumb as if it were poison.

Sasori froze as the grip on his face was quite strong. Sometimes he forgot how strong his husband was... also the fact that Deidara could gab his face and immobilize it so quickly.

"Well uh..." he mumbled, cheeks squished together by Deidara's grasp.

"Well?"

"Ahem, well I was thinking about how maybe you were balding-"

Sasori fell off the bed and onto his butt as Deidara shoved him away, running for the bathroom. Tugging at his hair, he tried to look at the top of his head with great failure, resorting to using a hand mirror for help.

Sasori walked behind Deidara and leaned against the doorway as Deidara looked for a bald spot, "Honey you're not going bald. Oh, and try not to push me off the bd like that again." He sneered with a snarky smile, "I could have fallen and been unable to get up!"

Deidara growled at his husband to which Sasori snickered back, pleased his teasing had not gone unnoticed. Sasori flinched though as Deidara kind of gasped a little as he looking into the mirrors, grabbing his shower cap and tucking all his hair up.

"Frick off Sasori!" Deidara scowled and crawled into bed. The mood absolutely ruined.

"It's only four and you're not even balding on the top of-"

"I'm sleeping!"

Absolutely ruined...

Sasori sighed. Guess he was getting some apology take-out delivered tonight.

-x-

For the final remaining days of the week, Deidara wore hats. Even while in the house, just doing laundry, working on his truck and even cooking; it was hat time. For the sanctity of their marriage, Sasori decided it would be best if he didn't question them. Okay, he was also not going to say anything for his own safety too. Even If he stared too long, he could catch Deidara's nostrils flaring in anger as if to say,

"Don't even ask, hm!"

Even Sasori knew they argued over the most stupid of things, and this had to be one of them. He still didn't even understand what Deidara was so mad about in the first place! His hair was lovely!

Thankfully Saturday came with Deidara leaving the house, hat on his head and a kiss on Sasori's cheek. Clearly things would be okay as he was given a pat on the butt and a big smile as well.

"I'll be home in a few hours, kay babe?"

"Yeah... okay."

A few hours came and went. After they went, Sasori looked away from his work and at his phone as a small picture of Deidara sitting next to Konan while they had lunch popped up. He smiled at how happy they looked. Apparently with the two of them, working together wasn't enough. Who could blame either of them? He considered the both of them to be good company. Konan was a wonderful artist that not only gave Deidara his dream job practically right out of university, but she also just took great care of him in general. She had clearly been giving Deidara good-spouse tips over the years.

Not that Deidara was ever a bad spouse! He just had different specialties around the house. Back when they were newly weds, laundry was not one of them. Fixing the car though ? Oh you bet! Clogged sink? Done! Is the toilet supposed to make that gurgling sound? Not anymore!

Deidara was quite the cute handy man who could give quite the hand-

"Ahem!" Sasori coughed as he put down the phone smiling. He had happily noticed that as Deidara had finally taken the hat off. Surely Deidara would now come home peachy as ever. Sasori just couldn't wait to run his fingers through those locks again that he was practically giddy.

Sitting in his spot on the couch, he chucked to himself quietly. All this hair talk and Deidara being with Konan, he could recall how dumb he was when he actually believed that Konan's hair was actually blue. Everyone laughed at him for that. For years and years.

"Ahh, I was young and stupid..." he sighed, playing his favorite word game on his tablet. Then a thought went through his head. In that photo...

Pausing his game and picking phone back up, he raised his eyebrows at Konans blue hair. Not as bright as it once was when she was young, but still a lovely shade of blue. In fact, just last week it was fading to gray, and scrolling up a couple photos was a cute picture of Deidara sitting at work, Konan in the background with a more musty gray and blue hued hair.

"Hm." He shrugged, "She must have just dyed it." And went to put the phone back down.

Sasori then went quiet and once more looked at the most recent photo, "She... must have just dyed it." Looking at his husband's gold mane he shook his head, "There...There's no way..."

Yeah! There was no way Deidara was going to a salon and secretly getting his hair dyed. Deidara had once made such a huge deal over loving Sasori no matter how much he aged. In fact, how supportive Deidara was when he found his first few gray hairs. Incredibly supportive. Happy almost. So surely Deidara wouldn't care when he himself would go gray, right?

-x-

Sitting on the couch, with Deidara leaning back against his chest, Sasori ran his fingers though Deidara's hair. The strands were thick and healthy, golden and shiny and as beautiful as the day they met.

"Mmm... Danna that's nice." Deidara sighed as his toes curled. He honestly really did love having his hair played with. What really made it the bees knees was it was Sasori's delicate and loving touch. The best touch. "Mmm, I love you..."

Sasori craned his head foreword while Deidara dipped his head back further, pecking him on the lips, "I love you too."

As he played with Deidara's hair, he looked at the perfectly perfect hair. It was perfect. Too perfect. No way a man at the age of forty-seven would have hair the same as when he was nineteen. Yes! As he played with the hair, he looked high and low for a single gray strand. Nothing! It was flawlessly golden! Even the roots. It wasn't fair! It wasn't natural; It couldn't be!

"Hey love?"

"Mmmmya?"

"I just wanted to say thank you."

Deidara opened his eyes and looked up, "Whaddya mean, hn?"

"For loving me unconditionally."

"Daw! Danna, I'll love you no matter what! If you cheat on me though... I'll snap your neck with my thighs and drag you to hell when you feel like you're in heaven, hn." Deidara gushed with an overwhelmingly sweet smile.

Sasori chuckled, "Oh yes, you need not remind me of that threat."

"Why do you wanna thank me for that though? Kinda sudden don't you think, hm?

Sasori slowed the hair playing, "Well you see, seeing your beautiful hair just reminds me of when I was your age. Nearly all gray... I'm not only envious, but I feel bad I couldn't retain my color as long as you have..."

Deidara stared up at his husband, teeth clenched, "Yyyyup. It's great to be me!"

"Such lovely hair... not a single gray."

"Yyyyup... Ah! But my beard!" Deidara pointed to his freshly shaven face, "it's going gray right?!"

"You're right. It is."

"So I'm gray too ha ha ha haaah."

Sasori smiled and nodded. Goodness was his husband not a good liar.

"You know Deidara, I was once so scared about you not loving me when my hair started turning gray and wrinkled. For so long I believed you were lying just to make me feel better. Such a long time as I hated it."

Deidara swallowed hard.

"But now I know you were telling the truth. When you go gray too, I know down to my core that I too will love you. In fact, going gray together with you is exactly what I signed up for when we got married."

Deidara's lips curled down.

"As you know, I will love you for all eternity, Deidara."

"Buuuuugwah!" Deidada whined, turning his body and burying his face into Sasori's stomach as Sasori recited his vows, "I love you so much, hmmm!" His cries now muffled by one of Sasori's many sweater vests.

"I love you too honey."

Looking up into his Danna's warm and loving eyes, Deidara's lip curled again, "I'm a sham!"

"Sham?" Sasori asked, big doe eyes blinking, "What, do you not like my gray hair?"

"No! I love your gray crown!" Deidara screeched, reaching up and grabbing Sasori's face for the second time this week. Kissing the top of his head repeatedly he gushed, "I've been a fraud for so long now!"

"What?" Sasori asked, even though he knew well at this point.

"I dye my hair, hn!"

Sasori hummed quietly, "What a clever idea! Wish I had thought of that for a while."

"Huh?"

"It's okay to dye your hair. In fact I saw that Konan just got hers done."

Deidara stopped his whining and bellyaching and just held Sasori's face, "Okay spill. When did you figure me out, hm?"

"Earlier today when you sent me that picture." Sasori kissed Deidara's palm, "You were absolutely breathtaking in that photo."

Deidara dove in closer and gave him a long passionate kiss, "So you're not mad I kept it a secret?"

"Not at all. But I must ask... for how long?"

Deidara sighed and looked away, "Long time."

"Like when you turned forty?"

"..."

"Thirty five?"

"..."

"Thirty!?"

"..."

"Deidara!?"

"Well, twenty four was when I found my first gray hair, hn."

"Oh, well that's just one..." Sasori reasoned.

Shrugging a bit, Deidara then made a few awkward faces, "I just plucked it and then by the time I was twenty eight I had to start dying it."

"I'm sure it wasn't that noticeable."

Landing on his desired expression, he clenched his teeth and narrowed his eyes. Apparently it was noticeable enough.

"Oh my goodness..." Sasori chuckled, pulling Deidara in close for a hug, "Is that why you were so okay with me going gray?"

Deidara scoffed, "I won't lie, kinda. The fact I went gray before you was just embarrassing, hm!"

"And you really really like my gray hair?"

Deidara smiled as he tucked a wispy gray lock behind Sasori's ear and smiled, "Honestly in a perfect world, you'd look like you did on the day we got married forever..."

Sasori laughed and ran a hand through Deidara's hair, "Is that so?"

"That suit fit your cute tush so well. And you were so handsome in your little bow tie, hm."

Sighing heavily, Sasori couldn't help but think about that day in the courthouse either, he could close his eyes and just see Deidara standing before him with a big smile. And when he opened his eyes? He was still there smiling.

"I love you Deidara."

"I love you too, Danna. But I'm going to keep dying my hair."

"Of course you will." Sasori scoffed, digging his hand deep in the blond locks and messing it about like you would a fluffy dog.

Not that Deidara minded.

* * *

wow. i could NOT stop making small changes to this ALL WEEK.  
bye bye losers! see you all later for halloween special~~


	12. Terrifying

Once upon a time, long ago before any of the current students even attended the school, rumor has it that there was a smart ass boy who made a lame joke at Sasori's expense. When the old man's phone went off in class, how it 'should be taken away' and how 'it wasn't professional' or how 'he wasn't being a good role model'.

What had really ticked Sasori off so much at that very moment? Was it the one point that was made? Maybe it was two of them? Perhaps it was daring enough to say it was actually all three! That boy though was taken away to a weeks detention. One version of the story was the kid was never the same again. Another version told that people went in the detention hall that day, and only one came out. All that was seen was Mr. Akasuna dusting his hands together and grumbling as he walked out of the room. Most likely dirtied from disposing of the rude boy's missing body.

Well... that was the tale at least. And to be honest, there wasn't a student in the school who didn't believe it. One version of the other.

No one would dare make a joke now at the old man, especially when the man's phone went off. When it did go off, he would let out the most vicious growl; a sign he just forgot to silence it, as well as it was unwanted. That growl alone he made after being disturbed in his classroom? Terrifying. Down right terrifying.

If horror movies needed reference for something scary, he was the guy you needed to call. A monster under your bed? Scary old man Sasori. The creep jiggling your door knob at night? Creepy old man Sasori. That figure following you on a foggy night in the woods? Spooky Old man Sasori.

Speaking of horror movies and the frights about; it was Halloween!

While their teacher fumbled about trying to turn his dinging phone off, the students took this moment to look around and admire... no ones costumes. Well that's not to say they didn't bring one. The other teachers had no problem with a little dress up. It's just like the Tale of the Missing Phone Kid, wisdom was passed on to future youth that all costumes were forbidden in Mr. Akasuna's classroom. You could dress up for school, but if you had to step a foot into his classroom, be it for his class or for lunch detention... you would be there after school as well. And there the next day. And the next... because there was no costumes in Mr. Akasuna's class. Ever.

So it was limited. Either you wear something you could remove easily before you entered, or something sneaky that the old man would never guess was an attempt at a costume.

An example would be that a couple years prior, Sasori noticed that there were a lot of ice blue dresses or clothes on blond girls for some reason. There were other girls who looked like they were animated movie princesses, but wore no costume. It was weird and he knew something was up but wasn't certain and couldn't make a solid claim on it. It irked him not knowing and it bothered him to the point where he couldn't let it go.

Then there were so many girls tying their hair into pigtails and dying the ends pink and blue, wearing shorts and combat boots. Something was fishy... these students though knew better than to wear a costume in his class though. Doing so would be suicide!

Of course some kids thought they could be clever. Oh sure Sasori would believe multiple kids just so happened to wear their white and red striped shirt and blue jeans combo all on the same day, the one day that was Halloween. Right. The fools! He wasn't too old for that one! So detention it was for them for how they dare think so lowly of him. He could spot that costume out right away.

Sasori glared into his phone, his students looking on in disgust as the old man angrily beat the thing against the palm of his hand as he grew frustrated with it as it wouldn't turn off with the constant dings alerting him that he was receiving texts.

"No I don't want to read the text! I want you incompetent thing to cease being on immediately! Bah!"

It was too late though as he saw the texts from Deidara's boss Konan that unfortunately peaked his interest and worry.

"Hah? Deidara's Costume is 'absolutely terrifying'?" He mumbled so quietly not a soul, not even himself, could hear it.

That was odd... Deidara wasn't wearing a costume when he left. And how irritating was this; she did not need to next four separate times, four separate emojis. She did not need to text her screaming in all capitals. She did not need to text him at all! There was no text message saying Deidara was in danger or had done anything wrong, just that he had dressed up for Halloween.

She was what bothered Sasori. Deidara however? Anyone would be surprised, but it actually didn't bother him if it was Deidara dressed up, as he had always been a big fan of Halloween and had worn costumes. So if Sasori was so used to it and okay with his adult husband partaking in it... why did he forbid them to such an extreme degree on teens?

Well it happened one morning when he saw his husband lookin hella fine with some sort of sexy costume. He was fresh out of college, and taking the day off of working on his commissions to enjoy the fun holiday. There at the breakfast table was delightful talk of how Sasori would get to rip it off him at the end of the day... oh heck yes was he excited for Halloween. All day he was excited. All day he drooled at what his husband had planned. All was fine with that until he went to work and when a class of his started, there he saw a student wearing the exact same thing.

That just about ruined everything.

There was no reason a sixteen year old girl should be dressed like that. Ever! And it certainly didn't help that she was a blue eyed blond either.

From that moment on Halloween was banned from his classroom. The entire concept and execution was a distraction, not to mention it encouraged parties and underage drinking in this age group.

Even when Deidara caught wind of Sasori's banning of Halloween, to which he disagreed with, it didn't stop Deidara from handing out candy to kids, dressing up, and even occasionally using the sexy costumes. In this house they celebrated Halloween and carved pumpkins together! Oh how Deidara loved watching his husbands amazing carving rot. Sasori was just being a weirdo-no-fun guy.

In Sasori's defense, he didn't have the heart to tell him that a sixteen year old girl wearing the same costume was what repulsed him into banning it. How juvenile. Even he could acknowledge that. All Deidara got was the boring analytical reasons as to why it would be more beneficial for them to not have Halloween at school.

At home though? Go wild. Go wild like Deidara went wild with his costumes. In fact, one of Sasori's favorite costumes had to be when Deidara was thirty and dressed up as a fireman... Doing his fireman duties by carrying Sasori to bed.

Not that Sasori liked being carried! Especially not by his shirtless husband in red suspenders and those uniform pants... tanned golden pecs and biceps on full show. And those abs... those delicious abs.

Yes! No costumes at school. They were nothing but a distraction.

Still... Sasori couldn't help but be distracted himself as he wondered what terrifying costume Deidara had thrown together this year. Honestly he was hoping Deidara would go down another route... or be something cute, maybe even something clever. Not that being a fireman again would be bad either.

Finally shutting off the stupid phone, Sasori sighed. It would be okay though as he'd be fine with whatever Deidara had come up with. He'd support and be happy with whatever costume was chosen, even if it was a scary one.

Besides, now that he had gotten older, Deidara was absolutely against scaring him. Apparently Deidara would, "Just die, un!" if he was the cause of a heart attack that ultimately killed his beloved Danna.

Oh how he wished that was the way Deidara thought years ago...

The whole ride home Sasori was actually excited to see what scary thing Deidara had dressed as. Konan's text sounded pretty... scared? Excited? Bah! Sasori would never understand the deeper meaning behind a text; even with the help of many emojis.

Walking up to the house he could see the small decorations next to their pumpkins. Deidara must have just put up as they weren't there this morning. There weren't too many and what was there wasn't big or tacky as per rule of Sasori. Into the house he wasn't greeted by Deidara sitting on the floor doing laundry, lounging on the couch or the the clanging of pots and pans while he made dinner. However he did hear a holler,

"Welcome home, Dannaaaa!" from the kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen to see his husband, Sasori slowed down and he took in the sight of his husband opening various candy bags and preparing a bowl for the trick-or-treaters. That wasn't the big deal though. It was what he was wearing...

Deidara was wearing his clothes.

"Hello... Deidara."

Deidara looked up at his husband and smiled, "Hey Sweetie! How was your day, hmm?"

Sasori sat down next to his husband and got comfy as he got situated after a long day at work, "Ummm... Fine."

"Did ya catch anyone dressing up?" Deidara asked, laughing as he popped what looked to be his eighth candy into his mouth.  
Although the wrappers under Sasori's feet now seemed to allude to even more being eaten.

"No... they seemed to know better than to do that this year." Sasori spoke calmly still registering what was going on. "Another year and yet again were right about starting that rumor."

Deidara nodded proudly, "I know right? Scare those kids right into their place!"

Sasori just hummed and nodded as he stared his husband down even more. It wasn't... it was... odd? Deidara was in a white dress shirt with one of his classic sweater vests on, khaki slacks and even a very similar style of shoes he must have gotten from the thrift store. As he looked though he saw something on the counter. A short moppy grey wig.

Well Sasori certainly wasn't an idiot. Deidara's "terrifying" costume was clearly him! Deidara was dressed up as Sasori Akasuna! He was the "terrifying" costume!

Why- why Sasori felt himself go cold. He felt numb! Was Deidara scared of him? Had he done something recently to scare his husband? Or maybe he mocking him now that he was on in age? Was he considered a monster? Did his beloved husband finally come to hate him alongside the rest of the world!?

That is it. Deidara was scared of him and does hate him. He knew it. It was really only a matter of time before Deidara eventually realized he hated him and left him. At his old and vulnerable age too... This was the real horror on Halloween.

Collecting the trash from his little candy nest, Deidara stood up and brushed aside Sasori's hair, kissing him on the forehead, "Welcome home, my love. I missed you so much today."

Sasori crossed his arms and sulked at the confusing reaction. How dare his husband that hates him be so fake and act as if he loved him! The _audacity_ of this man to kiss his special area...

"Ohho noo!" Deidara laughed at the old man as he wrapped an arm around him, "Why so frownie brownie?"

"You hate me." Sasori muttered, seething as Deidara used usual variety affectionate pet names... when he hates him! _Fake_!

Deidara let out a hideous guffaw, "Are you going senile, my man? You know that I love you with my entire existence!"

Well... to be fair up until this point, that is what Sasori knew. Before not he could whole heartedly agree with that statement. Now though...

"What kind of sick joke is this!" Sasori gestured to Deidara's outfit, "Am I some sort of monster to you!?"

Deidara looked down at his outfit and then grabbed the wig off the counter, carefully tucking up his hair as he got ready. Thankfully Sasori was nothing but patient with him to get the full costume on, however he still tapped his foot ferociously under the table. He needed an explanation for this act of betrayal.

"Okay Danna! Ready!"

Sasori just glared harder.

"Danna I just don't get you..."

"Konan pestered me at work with the texting and the emagees about your terrifying costume! How awful and scary you looked!" Sasori hissed fussily as he threw his hands a bit, "Then I come home and see you're most clearly dressed as me!?"

Deidara frowned and put his hands on his hips, "I'm not wearing a scary costume this year Danna. Scary is next year. Cute was last year, hm."

Sasori hissed, "So? Clearly I've been made out to be something scary!"

Tutting away, Deidara pulled his chair closer to his husband as he sat down to console him, "That wasn't the point, ya doofus, hm."

The glaring didn't stop.

Deidara sighed as he realized his husband was just not getting it. With that he sent him a wink. "You know... not all costumes are scary Danna."

"But is Halloween not about dressing scary and the boogie men and the candy?"

"Well..." Deidara hummed as he stood up, walking around Sasori's seat at the table, realizing that his husband had gotten so worked up over Konan's teasing and had forgotten the other fun thing about Halloween in that moment of confusion and anger, "You think it's all scary huh?"

"Isn't it?"

"You think a devil would count as scary?"

Sasori sent Deidara a wary look, "I most certainly would put that into the category of 'scary'. Yes." He really hoped Deidara wasn't lumping him with the devil. The kids could think that. That was fine. But not his husband!

Reaching beside the table, Deidara pulled out a plastic pitchfork and twirled it a bit, patting it against the palm of his hand, "Well then... meet in the bedroom in fifteen minutes and we'll see if your opinion remains the same..."

"Oh?"

"..." Deidara stayed silent, still toying with the pitchfork as he swayed his hips.

"Ohhh..."

With that deidara twirled on his heels to their cupboard that housed Sasori and his own many medicines and popped a blue pill. He didn't need to look far as he spotted a candy to which he slipped the pill inside. Standing over Sasori he put the 'candy' down and kept his body close, "This candy may not taste sweet, but I'll be sure to make up for that, hm."

-x-

Sasori tapped his fingers against his bed as Deidara cuddled up to him, all snuggled in bed, "So was that me costume not a scary one?" He just had to ask though to make sure... of something because he _still_ didn't get it.

"Huh? Of course not! Didn't you get the hint?" Deidara asked, propping himself onto one arm to hover over Sasori, his tussled, long and blond hair falling down onto him.

Nose crinkling, Sasori pouted, "Apparently not..."

Kissing at Sasori's neck behind his ear a bit, Deidara mumbled, "Cute last year and scary next year. That means this year is sexy year!" He kissed at Sasori's neck even more, "The 'Sasori' costume was clearly equal to that devil costume. Don't you think?" He asked, kissing Sasori's forehead.

Looking at the discarded _very_ little red costume on the floor, Sasori's eyebrows slowly raised as he put the terms of him being like 'the devil' into terms that would better suit the years theme, "Ahhh... I see." He muttered as he recalled the feeling of absolute Not Fear he felt for that costume. In fact he felt much more for that small piece of red fabric.

Sasori smiled as Deidara cuddled into him again, absolutely swaddled in a man that was truly in love with him.

Who knew he was a sexy costume?

* * *

note: viagra is not candy. do not spike candy.

if you thought this was going to be scary instead of more old man mush, YOU WERE WRONGGG  
happy halloween LOSERs.


	13. Nap

Deidara got off of work at noon. The perfect time to swing by and check in on husband while he sat around eating his lunch and watching the days detainees. Of course Deidara really wasn't welcome on school property. It was a closed campus after all! Did it stop him? Heavens no!

Yes, today was no exception. Looking through the large window that saw into his husband's ground level class, he smiled as he hoped to see husband before a stampede of kids showed up. He had to check on Sasori today. Something was... something was off with his Hubby this morning, so this was just swing by, a wee peek in and little wave. He had already used his once a day phone call, squandering it by just making sure Sasori got to work safely. Darn that man for not accepting his offer to drive him to work! Actually- Darn that one phone call rule! This new secretary was the worst!

That wasn't the only thing that was the worst though...

There as he looked in, he was bewildered as he saw Sasori's coworker, Mr. Kakashi Hatake, stroll on in. Deidara gasped as he watched the man sit in Sasori's seat and get a lunch kit out. Devastating. This other teacher was clearly filling in- But that doesn't make any sense unless!

"Hey." Deidara flinched as Kakashi was now in front of him, window sliding open, "I startle you?"

Deidara grit his teeth, "Where is my husband, hmmm?"

"I think he was tad tired today so he asked me to watch the detentioners so he could lie down in the medical room."

Deidara gasped and climbed right through window, past Kakashi's half hearted protests and ran down the hall. Sasori? In a medical bed!? This is awful! He's dying! His BABY!

As Deidara got closer and closer to his desired destination, he stopped in his tracks as he realized he would have to go across the mean secretary to get to that bed... as that was technically her room as well. How dare that secretary also be this school's nurse! Then there was the fact the med room was behind her desk. She was just a big block in his roadway that led to his husband. And he did not like that one bit. The thing was he wasn't the only one who thought that way.

"What."

Deidara stared down at the woman, "I was wondering-"

"Go home Deidara." She scowled as she already had to deal with his phone call this morning.

Dear lord he would not shut up!

Deidara gasped in faux horror, "_Excuse me_! I'm Mr. Akasuna! I-"

"The only Mr. Akasuna I acknowledge has already informed me that if you should so happen to 'pop in'. To send you away immediately."

"Sakura no!" Deidara slammed his hands on her desk as his knees buckled, even going as far as to use her first name as petty retaliation, "I need to see him! He's in medical... He _needs_ his husband, hm!"

"Oh Deidara please! He's just taking a nap."

Deidara stomped his foot, "A dagger! A dagger through my heart!"

Sakura's glare didn't budge though. She had been taught well by the other secretary and the Principal herself that there was to be no leniency with Deidara. Heck, even Mr. Akasuna encouraged all staff to be firm with Deidara. Point blank, he did not belong on a closed campus setting just to visit his husband and they all knew that. Even Deidara did.

The effort the faculty put in though was nice though, but Deidara's love and determination to be with Sasori was just too much. Sometimes the staff just couldn't bring themselves to send Deidara away, or at least put in the effort like Kakashi hadn't. Either they knew they stood no chance, or they just reveled in delight at the fact that the most feared person in the school was overpowered by such a bright young fellow. Deidara had Sasori around his finger a little bit tighter than Sasori had Deidara around his and as much as Sasori denied it; it showed.

"But please, do refrain from calling the police on him." Was all Sasori asked of the school.

Of course they couldn't help but heed his wishes 100% there. The way he asked; he sounded so defeated at the mention of police. Almost like a warning that they couldn't stop Deidara and the police were no deterrent. Besides, Deidara's intentions really were pure.

One person who was good at putting an end to Deidara's tirade was this lady, Sakura. As a previous student of Sasori's, she knew well of the blond for quite a few years now. Sasori never disclosed much about his home life to anyone, but as his best student, Sakura was keen to pick up on most things.

Besides, Deidara was a blabber mouth. Even though he didn't think he was, or rather just didn't want to acknowledge it. In his mind he was as cool all calm as his husband. To which Sasori really wasn't either. They were both a little off there.

By now she knew when their anniversary was. How they met. The intense level of Deidara's clinginess and Sasori's ability to turn a blind-eye and allow this intense and often destructive behavior. How Deidara was dead set on a, in her opinion, useless art degree unlike her most intelligent teacher who actually went out and got a degree, started off as a university professor and then moved to high school.

No she was not jealous of Deidara, Mr. Akasuna was old and frankly a little mean, she just didn't get the appeal of the blond. Deidara was the complete opposite from one of her most idolized teachers and honestly she just couldn't stand him. If anything, she thought Sasori could have done even better! How he could have found an even better man to settle down with instead of... this loud, snobby, idiot.

Deidara moved past the desk only to be stopped by the short female. Short as she was, she was strong and immovable like the rock in his path she was. Even all the muscles he had built up for carrying Sasori, he could not pass this girl without tossing her like a large log. Of course he couldn't do that here. He'd like to, but he knew if he did that he'd get banned for sure.

"You need to move."

"You need to leave."

"Move!"

"Leave!"

"Move, move, move!"

"Leave, leave, le-"

Taking that moment of her copying him to his advantage, Deidara moved with a shimmy of his hips and slipped past the girl by shoving her with his butt and dashed for the Med Room door. As Sakura turned, she took her defeat easily as she only got the tail of his his blond hair getting stuck in the door as it closed behind him.

"Gah!"

Sakura stared on the piece of hair sticking out on her side and sighed.

With that, the door opened a little releasing the chunk of hair and Deidara's red face just barely poking through, "By the way..."

She put her hands on her hips and cocked her head, the look of disappointment written all over it.

"That color of lipstick looks lovely on you, hm."

"...thank you Deidara." She sighed, shaking her head as the blond retreated into the Med Room like a sad puppy.

Sneaking up to the curtain surrounded bed with tiptoes, Deidara carefully pulled the it back to reveal his bed ridden Prince Charming.

"Why?" Sasori immediately called out, the sound of dissatisfaction in his voice as he lie there with his eyes closed.

Deidara's shoulders sloped, "You're awake?"

One of Sasori's eyes snapped open, "How can I not be when I can hear you in a heated argument with my coworker?"

"Hmmm. You look so snuggly..."

"This is a single bed Deidara. Single. One person. Go home and let me have a nap-

It was too late. Deidara crawled into the single bed with Sasori and snuggled in good as he pulled him close to chest.

"Nnno Deidara..." Sasori groaned as he couldn't help but soak in the warmth of Deidara's firm but soft pectoral muscles. He smelled so good too.

"Yes." Deidara sighed back, getting cozy with his husband, touching his forehead softly and he wrapped an arm around the old man.

Sasori growled, "Now I'll never fall asleep!"

I mean, how could he? This was so embarrassing! What if his coworkers found out about this? Deidara coming in and snuggling with him while he napped during lunch hour when he should be in his classroom putting fear into the underachievers and rotten rebels.

Unfortunately Sasori couldn't fight it. Within a minute of Deidara's snuggles and gentle forehead caresses, all snuggled into his husbands strong chest that housed the soothing sound of his husband's sweet heartbeat. In an instant he was out like a light. To be fair, he really didn't stand a chance against Deidara.

He was one hell of a creature to cuddle up to. Surely his coworkers could be understanding if they were on his position. Once you were there in his arms, it was hard to leave.

It was fifteen minutes to class starting again, just the time when Mr. Akasuna asked her to wake him up at. Walking in to wake him like planned, Sakura sighed and crossed her arms, but couldn't help but smile. Sasori had taken naps before, especially as of lately, but whenever she had woken him up, he had never looked so peaceful. There he was all snuggled up in Deidara's protective and loving arms, the both of them sleeping.

Yeah she didn't get the appeal of Deidara. But she could easily see that Sasori did and that was good enough for her.

"He looks like he's in heaven." She noted, catching the hint of a smile on the old grouch's lips. "That must be one hell of a nap."

* * *

Sakura grabbed a metal tray and tool and banged them together creating a most foul noise. Both were startled awake. Deidara was ready to fight the monster whom startled the poor napping men.

Sasori woke up so refreshed though, ready to put his students through Hell- it was awful.

After finding out his husband was napping at work, Deidara took Sasori to the doctor and forced his hubby be checked for _everything_ (see chapter 4 as a kinda follow up to this chapter). Sasori didn't like that, but thanks to some diet and medication changes, Sasori was feeling much better.

bye loserssss


End file.
